Friday, October 17, 2008

It's a good thing we're good-looking

Because we'll sure never be rich.

Last week, when I was home sick, Brian was also at home, mostly hanging around to see if we'd need to take a trip to the ER. (I TOLD you it was bad, but you didn't believe me, did you?) He started getting cabin fever though (because as much fun as it sounds to be stuck in a house with someone who's dying on the toilet every fifteen minutes, it really isn't) so he went out for awhile.
He ended up at a couple of thrift stores, one of them being the Goodwill warehouse I visit every so often. He and I like these places for different reasons - me, for the potential of finding good clothes for a quarter and him for the potential of old books. I like new books, so you know. I usually skip the bins with anything in them besides clothes.

Well, he came home with some interesting items: a wooden, 70's style napkin holder, which I immediately loved, a decorative plate, again loved. Stuff like that for me, a few books for himself and even something for the dog. It was hideous: a fake mink stole looking thing that was three dead animals sort of attached to each other by the mouth - disgusting, and the dog loved it.
I put it away for the weekend while the girls were here, mostly because I didn't want all three dogs tearing it apart and really, it's just hard to look at. I got it back out last night for the dog and we had fun watching him whip it around and then tear one of the minks away from the other two and rip out some stuffing. Yeah, we know how to party up in this bitch.

All of a sudden it hit me. Mink? Isn't that something that used to be what fancy ladies wore, something expensive and coveted by many? Well, you know, before PETA and all that no fur bullshit. I said to Brian, "Wouldn't that be funny if that was real and you found it at Goodwill, brought it home and turned it into a dog toy?"

I'll give you a minute to think about that.

He looked at me and said, "It is real. I told you that!"

I took the thing and fliped it over. There was a tag sewn onto the underside of it that said "Genuine Natural Silver Blue Mink," with another tag that had the name of an old timey department store: "Allan's of Columbia, South Carolina." We looked at each other for a minute and I quietly said, "Nooo." I went to the computer and Googled. I found one exactly like this, immediately, on a vintage fur site and it was selling for $250.

After we stopped laughing, and almost crying, I figured out what probably happened. Some idiot went through their dead grandmother's things and decided nothing was worth anything and dropped everything off at Goodwill. Then some idiot found it at Goodwill, bought it for a quarter, brought it home and gave it to his dog. While another idiot looked on, watching it get destroyed and laughing at it.

I'm not saying the amount of a car payment would make that big of a difference in our lives. And we do love our dog very much. But this I do know. That is the LAST $250 toy he ever gets. He doesn't even appreciate it.

And I'll know - if PETA shows up at my house protesting and throwing paint at me, one of you buttholes turned me in. Not only do we use real fur in this house, we sit by and laugh while it's destroyed all over again.

Aren't you proud to say you're my friend?

6 comments:

Angelique said...

Oh, I'm laughing out loud here - love it!

Mommy said...

LMAO!

morethananelectrician said...

I am sure you have been put on some kind of PETA list.

iamheatherjo said...

I'd much rather see your doggie playing with the mink than anyone wearing it. Hee!

I, too, go to the thrift stores for old books! When I go there for clothes it's usually for a Halloween costume or trying to find something spandex-y to dress my friend Don in for his 80's hair metal cover band. :)

buoy said...

this is amazing.
and the fact that you guys LAUGHED about it after you found out pretty much makes you my hero.

this is also exactly why i only considered getting a pet - a bunny - for exactly 3 hours, before going "EEGH! no bunnies!" (i get a little uptight about my vintage furniture, and i read that bunnies LOVE chewing on wooden legs.)

can i say it again? you're my hero.
(also, if you find any more of those things, send them to me. i'll send you a real dog toy in exchange.)

vuvie said...

Oh hahahaha! Too funny~!