Tuesday, October 14, 2008


Back in work mode and feel like my concentration level is at an all time low. (Hey, that sounds like a good name for a band!) Thus instead of a real blog, I choose to write like this today.

To: The Weather
Re: What the hell

I'm sure you're aware it's the middle of October. I appreciate the early cool-down last month, but I'd also appreciate it if you got back on the ball and start acting accordingly. I don't want to see 80 degrees again until May. It's Fall. Let's hop to it.

Thanks!I still love you,

To: Old Navy
Re: Same old Shit

I guess a few weeks ago when I got that cute khaki jacket that was just a ruse. You know I'm a Gap girl and so you lured me in with something good and Gap-like. That's why I took Grace back to you the other day in hopes of more cheap goodness. But no. It was back to the same old almost-but-not-quite-right crap that costs more than Target clothes. Good-bye again.

This time I mean it,

To: My Boobs
Re: Shrinkage

I'll keep doing my part by continuing to lose weight if you keep doing yours by becoming a reasonable size again. My button-down shirts are very happy not to be working so hard these days.

I will never let you sag,

To: Crazy Old Lady Neighbor
Re: Garbage in my back yard

You just HAD to wait until my company was gone this weekend before tossing that Diet Pepsi can over the fence yesterday, didn't you? Considering my friends saw every other crazy thing happen I wanted them to see around here, I know they believed me about your trash tossing, but visual proof is always more powerful. Thanks a lot.

Watch your back, you old nutjob,Kim

To: Politicians, both state and federal levels
Re: The economy

Please? Please do something? Before it's really too late? Please?

Prove me wrong for once,

To: My House
Re: Company

Do you think you can keep from breaking apart any more before more people come to visit? It's bad enough to have had the light switch in the closet room break completely off, several light bulbs go out, a picture fall off the wall and the washing machine belt to go all in the past week. I can live with all that. Just no more, okay?

Stay clean,

To: People shopping at Publix Sunday night

I know it's October, but was it really so normal to see Elizabeth in full Cat in the Hat costume, including black nose and whiskers, just walking around with us who were all dressed normally? She thought she'd get way more of a reaction than she did, so did I, and frankly I'm still a little surprised. At least I saw what my costume for Saturday night is going to look like.

Shopping was still a pleasure,
P.S. It was totally worth it to pay a full $2 more for the 4-pack of Monster drinks than I do at Walmart. I mean that. If you lowered all your prices even a little bit, I'd never step foot in that shithole again.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to peek in and tell you that your comments made my day. Thank you! Thank you!