Friday, December 26, 2008

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

Dude.
Things are feeling really weird around here. I don't feel quite as stabby at the moment, but what's up with these Wellbutrin pills. I've been reading about them all morning, trying to see if other people talk about having weird side effects and the answer to that is a resounding YES. I have a metallic taste in my mouth like I'm sucking on a penny. I had totally bizarre dreams all night long, none of which I remember. I keep nodding out like a G-D junkie, and every time I do, I have a short little dream-like thing. What. The. Fuck.

If you are an ex-smoker, here is my plea to you now. Can you please share with me HOW THE FUCK YOU DID IT??? I'm taking any and all ideas, seriously. Although if you've never been a smoker, I don't need to hear from you. Because you have no idea what I'm talking about and lucky you. Lucky you, Schmucky me. I do feel like a schmuck. I didn't even START smoking until I was like 22 and in college! I was hanging out with three smokers who were my best friends at the time, we drank a lot of beer together every weekend, and somewhere along the way on one of those nights, I thought it would be a good idea to light a cigarette. A few weeks later I thought of another great idea - buy a pack of my own! Yeah. Good stuff.

I'm looking to Sister as my inspiration. She stopped smoking the day after my wedding, so that means she hasn't smoked in almost ten years. Her motivation was falling in love with Travis, who is totally anti-smoking. She said she used the gum for about a week and a half and other than that used Tootsie Pops, which I'll be buying today. I'm so amazed and proud of her that she was so successful with it. Especially right now, when I feel as though I am losing my mind a little.

I keep thinking about an article I read a few years ago in Rolling Stone where Steven Tyler said it was harder to quit smoking cigarettes than it was to quit doing heroin. I'm in total belief that statement is true.

Help me, Obi Wan; you're my only hope.

8 comments:

morethananelectrician said...

I don't smoke, but I did stop playing with myself...

Well...kind of...

Alright!!!!!! I didn't stop...but they don't have drugs for that!!!!

Kim said...

And you haven't gone blind yet?
Huh.

I just found out one of the side effects of Wellbutrin is horniness and I'm not even kidding.
Uh oh!!!

L Monesmith said...

Hi, I quit smoking 14 yrs ago and it was around my eighth attempt - practice makes perfect! Way to go for even trying! Here are a few secrets for staying sane:
1. Remind yourself that you're doing it for YOU ie: your health, saving $, nice smelling hair, clothes etc. That way, it's easier to 'not feel sorry for yourself' when others light up - you can feel sorry for THEM.
2. Try to ignore those voices in your head that try to 'help' you rationalize why it would be a good idea to have 'just a puff' or 'one cigarette' or 'no one will even know' or 'how come he/she can smoke when I can't?' etc etc etc 'cause it's all lies....and excuses... you know what I mean...
3. You have to experience EVERYTHING you do in a day once WITHOUT a cigarette and eventually twice and so on until it becomes a new habit - like exercising a new muscle. Mainly though, it's about YOU and YOUR reasons for quitting, not about what anyone else thinks, says or implies (by their actions). Believe me when I tell you this - there are plenty of people out there who will be jealous that you are quitting and leaving them behind in the 'smoke pit', they will try to get you 'back on board' so to speak. I wish you all the best and a healthy new year!
Laura.

Kim said...

Thank you so much for that. I've been amazed all day today (and it was a rough one) how much support I've gotten through perfect strangers!
I know it's worth it; I'm just really looking forward to getting used to this.

ct said...

Oh girl, hang in there. I've tried to quit about 4 or 5 times already. I suck at quitting, because I can always rationalize that one drag that eventually has me back at a pack a day. It's such a slippery slope.

Stay strong...think of the strengths you'll gain from beating it for good. You'd be an inspiration to the losers like me who are PAYING to slowly killing ourselves.

Kim said...

The shit is hard as hell. I hate it.

crisitunity said...

I quit because it was lonely. I wasn't around anyone who smoked, and while my BF and his family weren't exactly making me feel bad for smoking, it was really awkward when I'd go outside to smoke and come back in when I was done.

I agree with all of L Monesmith's advice, it's good stuff. I also add that for me, figuring out what it was that I liked best about smoking and counteracting it is what really worked. For me, it's having something to fiddle with, and the comfort of it (because I'd been smoking on and off since I was 13). So I started knitting, which is a great fiddling activity, and tried to find other long-term habits that comforted me.

Kim said...

Yes, I often feel like the only one left in the world who smokes; I'm looking forward to not being looked at like a criminal.