I've talked a lot about my neurosis. I'm a champion worrier, so much so that if there's actually nothing for me to actually worry about, I get worried because things are going too well. It says a lot about me that I can only relax when something is wrong. Luckily, there's usually something wrong, so I'm usually fairly happy. If not, I will either create something random (What if one of our cars break down? What if we become the victims of a drive-by shooting while at the convenience store? What if that big, sort of dead-looking tree falls on our house?) Don't laugh at that last one; during a hurricane one year, trees were dropping like flies and we ended up with a crunched fence but had it blown the other way, we would've had a brand new tree-made skylight in our bedroom. Or else I'll get excited over the good things that are going on, but for me excitement feels a lot like anxiety.
Last night I was up until three, excitedly anticipating my trip to see April today. Unfortunately the trip got postponed, but that doesn't mean I'll sleep any better tonight. After all, I only have three days of work left before the long vacation and there's a lot I'm excited about. Going to Florida, seeing my favorite people, Christmas and its related activities, etc. But, there's always the chance that the dog could fly off the back porch after a squirrel and break his leg, causing a vet bill that could wipe out our bank account. You never know. And then what? THEN WHAT???
It makes me wonder about how I'll be should I ever become a parent. Grace has teased me about this before and I had no choice but to agree with her. If my anxiety level is like this with just two people to worry about (not that I just worry about us, but you know what I mean), add another person into the mix and let's see how jacked up over nothing I can get! Luckily Brian is the opposite, or maybe I should say more normal one, who only worries about things when it's warranted. Oh, to be that serene. Without the aid of drugs. I wouldn't know what to do with myself with all that extra time and energy.
I ended up going shopping with Iris yesterday and though it was unplanned, had a really nice day. She is so cute. She has a lot of people to shop for, but to keep things fair in her mind, she has a little notebook she keeps with her so she doesn't end up getting somebody more than somebody else. This even includes George, her husband. I don't know - it does seem a little anal, but on the other hand it's not a bad system. (Aside: Linens 'N Things is going out of business. Or at least the one here is. While I do prefer Bed, Bath & Beyond it was still depressing to go through a nearly empty store and realize in nine days it would all be gone. If I ever had that experience at a Gap or Target store I might need a strong drink afterwards.) (But we did get great deals on Yankee Candles, so there's that.)
I just noticed the date and realized I missed my annual tradition of having a moment of silence for John Lennon the other day. I suck. Also, on this date in 1983, I made out and almost went to second base with Pat, the guy I wrote about the other day, the one I drove twelve hours to see for twelve hours.
Now do you understand a little more of the things that float around in my head all the time? I went from anxiety to happy to sad about a store closing to remembering the first time I ever got felt up in the space of ten minutes. It takes talent.