Wednesday, January 28, 2009

A Short Interlude (Not as much fun as a Quaalude)

I'm strangely getting a lot of enjoyment writing about that one time when my marriage fell apart, and I'll probably post another fun increment a little later today. In the meantime, can we talk about my uterus for a minute? I have something going on the day after tomorrow I'm a little nervous about.

Part of the long and involved IVF process is checking me out to make sure there's nothing blocked, broken, diseased or otherwise jacked up about my lady parts. I've already had an ultrasound (my first ever), which was pretty cool. The only thing they could see wrong then was that my ovaries are too small. Nice going, ovaries - I'll see you in hell. But that provided only a basic overview of my innards. Friday they'll be getting up close and personal.

The procedure is something I have yet to be able to pronounce; maybe you'll have better luck - a Hysterosalpingogram. The hell, right? Let's go with HSG for short and assume it means "Big Painful X-ray." I'm not too nervous, but it's definitely on my mind. They suggest taking 600mg of Ibuprofen beforehand and to have someone drive me home afterwards. That would be Brian's job, especially since it's happening two hours away from here.

Here's a Googled description: During an HSG, a dye is put through a thin tube that is put through the vagina and into the uterus. Because the uterus and the fallopian tubes are hooked together, the dye will flow into the fallopian tubes. Pictures are taken using a steady beam of X-ray as the dye passes through the uterus and fallopian tubes. The pictures can show problems such as an injury or abnormal structure of the uterus or fallopian tubes, or a blockage that would prevent an egg moving through a fallopian tube to the uterus. A blockage also could prevent sperm from moving into a fallopian tube and joining (fertilizing) an egg. An HSG also may find problems on the inside of the uterus that prevent a fertilized egg from attaching (implanting) to the uterine wall.

Hello? Any men left? No? Sorry about this. From here on out I promise I'll try to keep the gory medical details to a minimum. I guess I'm just asking for some internet love on Friday morning. Starting around 11:30 or so would be fantastic. While you're figuring out what to do for lunch or maybe plotting to sneak out of work to start the weekend early, I'd so appreciate if you pause for a minute and think of me getting dye shot up my vag and then having pictures taken of it. Okay, maybe not when you're thinking about lunch. But at some point; that would be swell.


Anonymous said...

Oh, good luck to you! Sending all kinds of positive thoughts and vibes and innernets mojo your way!!!

Kim said...

Gracias! (or Grassy Ass if pronounced like a redneck).

kristen said...

If the dye shows no obstructions or abnormal structures, ask your doctor if you can get a copy of the xray to frame, haha. See what their reaction is. My friend went through a big ordeal last year involving her colon and carries a picture of her healthy colon with her. Weird? Absolutely. But after going through months of painful, crazy tests, spending mucho dinero on meds, and taking so much time off from work, she carries it proudly.

Pick a frame that will match the dye they inject, it'll look fab!

(okay, I'm half-joking, but your post reminded me of my friend's situation, for some odd reason)

Kim said...

Kristen - your friend sounds like she has the same sense of humor I do and now that you've told me this story, I'm totally asking for the picture. I'm spending 800 bucks; the least they can do is send me home with a souveniere!

Anonymous said...

I had a similar process done but into my nipple, and man oh man do I wish I would've got shots of THAT! *snort*
Definitely take the drugs, not that mine was painful, but yours sounds only slightly horrendous.
I'll be thinkin of ya!

Kim said...

shmode - OUCH!!! That made me literally wince.
Don't tell anyone, but I might skip right over the Ibuprofen shit and take two Tylenol 3's with codeine I've been saving for a special occasion. I mean, what better reason right?

Swistle said...

Oh! This is the test I've heard about where sometimes THE TEST ITSELF ends up knocking out barriers to fertility---like, the injecting of the dye opens things up.

I'll send you mental fertility on Friday mid-day.

Kim said...

Swistle - Thank you; I've been reading so much about the test that I just found out about that too. Had I known all this, I would've had them shoot dye in my baby-hole years ago!!!

Anonymous said...

Look...I have been "down there" for three deliveries and I live with a woman who is a human Medical Reference Guide. She diagnoses everyone...and turns out to be right.

There isn't a lot of this talk that can scare me away, but I scanned by a comment that mentioned a similar process with a nipple and I had to stop reading that!!!!!

Kim said...

MTAE - yeah, the nipple story put me over the edge too. Wow.