Saturday, February 7, 2009

"We were on a BREAK!" -Ross Geller

It's getting close to wrap-up time with this story. Hang in there with me a little while longer - I promise, it gets better. Obviously.

So there we were, staying part-time at Grace's house in a sort of suspended time-lapse. We slept together on her couch bed, but there were no relations for us during that time. The one time we tried turned out disasterously - he was still way too emotionally wrapped up with her and I still obviously had a lot of resentment toward him; it wasn't good. That was pretty painful, let me tell you. After that episode is one of the few times I actually considered the possibility of divorce. We had an hours-long, drawn-out tearful conversation about it in her back yard and in his car driving around the neighborhood, but he still asked me not to go through with it, knowing it was totally unfair to ask me to continue to wait. Apparently I didn't really want that either, because it didn't happen. But it wouldn't be the last time I came really close and it's weird to think of how different things would've turned out had a couple of crazy things not happened...aaand, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Our friend Jody, who had indirectly caused this mess (I don't blame him, but my sister refused to ever speak to him again after the shit settled, as did all of our mutual friends and now no one has been in contact with him in years), "let it slip" to Christine Brian and I were staying together during the week. I guess it was his way of getting Brian back for leaving him in Lake Shitty with no one but a housefull of women and kids for company. She, as you may imagine, was Not Pleased and handed down another ultimatim. Brian had a good job in Tampa. She was ready to leave her sister's house and get all set up like a proper Welfare Woman deserves. She told him it was time he got a place for them.

Which is what the dumbass did. Trying to keep it from me, he put a deposit and first month's rent down on an over-priced three bedroom apartment in Tampa. Obviously I found out about it. But things were so shaky with them still, I decided to let things play out and not fight it anymore. Of couse NOW I'm glad I didn't push a divorce through but then I wondered what the hell I was thinking. Except that I kind of knew if they actually did move in together, it would be the final straw. Out of her element, not having her sister to party with or neighbors to flirt with, living REAL LIFE as a mother and a girlfriend? I doubted she was cut out for it.

Coincidentally another friend of mine had just broken up with a long-term boyfriend and was crushed. She came over to Grace's one day to talk about how fucked up everything was for both of us. Out of that conversation, we decided the best thing would be for us to move in together, knowing it wouldn't be permanent. When I told her about Brian's new apartment in Tampa, she told me she was thinking about moving to Brandon, a town twenty minutes south of there. Her favorite cousin lived there, she didn't want to be in Inverness anymore; our very small hometown, where she'd run into her ex constantly - she was ready to get out and start over. I'd known Jen forever and we'd lived together successfully before, during college. And she's a lot like me in letting her fight or flight instinct take over in a crisis; she started making plans that very day for our move.

I told Brian about the plan. He was happy. Happy that I wasn't going any further in my relationship with JR, happy because he liked Jen and most importantly because I'd be close to where he was living. He still wasn't entirely sure he wanted to be with her. Selfish? Absolutely. He admitted as much. It was at that point he told me he knew he carried things too far and he didn't know what to do to make things right again. He didn't trust her anymore, not that he ever did much after the first couple of weeks. The newness had mostly worn off and he was upset to find out she wasn't a very nice person. The problem for him was the kids. They'd gotten used to him and he was even more attached to them now, especially the baby. In the time he'd been around, the baby had grown up so much, had started walking, talking. Calling him "Daddy." He got to experience all of that. That sound you just heard was me throwing up in my mouth.

But that's okay. No one ever spent a night in that big stupid apartment. At least no one I know. The beginning of the end had just begun.


Anonymous said...

I guess what kills me the most is all the parenthood-type stuff he got to experience while he was with "her". Knowing how much you want a baby of your own, I just want to hug the stuffing out of you. That must hurt so much. I'm glad you guys are healthy now, but MAN the heartache you had to deal with was enormous. xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

Eeesh! The "relations" part made my tummy turn inside out.

I kinda feel a teeny bit of sympathy for your former jackass friend Jody. Hahaha! He couldn't force Brian to make bad choices and do stupid stuff. I hope there were other reasons his friends cut him out. (Can you tell I've been blamed because some of my married/taken friends can't behave themselves when they hang out with me?) ;)

Oh sweetie, I wouldn't have missed out reading every word even though my heart sinks and my tummy turns for you but I will be glad to read the happy ending.

I'm sorry you had to go through all the pain, but it IS more interesting to read than the goopy gooey fairy tale mooshy love stuff. But, you know, I'm weird. :)

Kim said...

Snerk - the baby thing almost killed me. Thinking now he already knows how to change diapers kind of still stings a little, seven years later.

Heather - I pretty much felt the same way about Jody; it wasn't his fault and he actually spent a lot of time sticking up for me to Brian. My sister didn't care - she was done, no matter how much I told her I'd forgiven any involvement he might have had. Brian made his own choices and owned his mistakes, just like I did. As far as the rest of our friends went, Jody was borderline psychotic anyway and after his divorce, turned to drugs heavily. I think and hope he's doing much better now.

Anonymous said...

i finally have internet again, and i will be sneaking off into a dark corner at some point today to catch up on all these posts i didn't get to read over the last 2 weeks...

i never got the email though! which email address did you send it to? i am really really bummed that i never got it. i'm hoping i just missed it in the time i was sans internet, and once i sit down and clean out my inboxes it will pop up.


Anonymous said...

The real life things like cleaning the toilet and sharing a bathroom are real tests for ANY relationship. It had to change a bit once the "sister" situation changed.

Kim said...

Buoy - I'm going to search and see if I can find that email again too; I think I sent it to the contact link on your blog and sent it from my yahoo address which is

MTAE - I knew it would be the demise of the bullshit, but little did I know at the time, I needn't have even worried about that much!

Taoist Biker said...

I'm still laughing at this one: "But it wouldn't be the last time I came really close and it's weird to think of how different things would've turned out had a couple of crazy things not happened...aaand, I'm getting ahead of myself."

Seriously, this happened:

Dys and I were arguing one morning. I don't even remember what about, but we were generally pissed off at each other anyway, so it doesn't much matter. It ended with us being in the kitchen right by the back door and me saying "I'm outta here."

I turned around, grabbed the door and yanked, and the goddamned doorknob came right off in my hand.

I stood there and blinked stupidly at it for a second, and then said, "Well. That didn't really go as planned."

And we both laughed, and we worked something out about whatever it was we were pissed about.

Her therapist said that if we made it, we should make sure to always keep that doorknob. Hell, it's still on the door.

Kim said...

I love that story so damn much!