Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Death, disease and exercise

First you have to try to imagine the sound of my Jewy aunt's astounding Brooklyn accent: picture a cross between Fran Drescher, the sound your teeth would make if you scraped them along a sidewalk, and a dentist drill. With lots of cuss words. The first time Brian heard her speak he actually got startled, and he's not one to scare easily. If I ever want to induce an anxiety attack, all I have to do is picture introducing her to Brian's mother. The two of them would need an interpreter.

So she calls me today to give me an update on my uncle's current health situation, (In brief: Not Good) but as always the conversation quickly turned to the subject of her. Apparently her job isn't going so well right now (she's the bookkeeper for a fairly large landscape company) and in her words, she "Seriously fucked up. Twice." However, she is trying to look on the bright side, which for her means she feels bad but lucky her recent mistake has now been overshadowed. It seems that yesterday one of their employees was struck and killed by a Budweiser truck while driving a lawn mower.

Don't believe me?

And you know, most untimely deaths are tragic, they really are. But damn. For this lady's family to have to tell people how she died? That is just adding insult to injury right there. Lawn mower injury. And it's not like my aunt was giddy for this poor woman's misfortune you understand, she was just really grateful for the timing of it.

After I got off the phone with her I immediately called Brian and told him to warn the guys on his crew to look out for stray beer trucks, because good Lord; you just never know.

On a serious note (well, technically that was serious too, but come on), my uncle has been diagnosed with cancer - they found it on one of his kidneys a few weeks ago and more recently on his bladder. He's having surgery in late July so I'm definitely going to try to make it to Florida before then. This, coming right on the heels of Brian's brother being diagnosed with prostate cancer? That disease can eat a bag of dicks as far as I'm concerned; I hate it. Someone needs to go ahead and find the cure already; I mean, how many more 5k's do we have to walk/run before this happens? God? Because I don't know anyone, ANYONE, who hasn't been directly or indirectly affected by the piece of shit.

Okay, enough cheerfulness from me for one day. We are so busy with outside-of-work work, that we're fighting complete exhaustion every day. But, with extra work comes extra money, so there might even soon come a day when that asshole we call a truck is actually completely fixed and running like a champ. Imagine that. I barely can.

On the exercise front, I'm sucking, but I am managing to get on the stepper three to four times a week, which I suppose is better than nothing. What is completely retarded is that I have access to not one, but two gyms here on campus, gyms I could use FOR FREE. What's stopping me, you ask? Besides being a lazy whore? Well, it's stupid. Imagine you're me; kinda pale, at the high end of my weight and old. Now imagine walking into a university's gym, one that is full of tan, twiggy college girls. I mean, would they even allow someone like me to enter much less use the same machines and weights? I don't know, but I'm completely horrified by the idea. Probably should try and work on that.


Taoist Biker said...

If your place is like mine, there's the one place where the pretty kids hang out, then there's the "old" gym, with the cast-off equipment and funny smell, where the "old" people hang out.

That's where I go. You know, when I'm not a lazy whore myself.

Kim said...

Actually it's exactly the same way here. Believe me, the old ugly one is the only one I'm considering.

Anonymous said...

I'm happy that Bud truck wasn't in Vegas or I'd be on the phone to Amy to see if it was her man that had been driving! Jeez, that's awful.

I'm sorry to hear about your uncle and that just further illustrates that you need to hit the road and head south.

But I'm terribly curious to hear your aunt's voice now! I'm familiar with startling people with my voice. My friend Frank said "Is that your voice or is your phone fucked up" the first time he heard my voice. Nice.

Work out wherever you want to and wherever you're comfortable. It would be so nice to have a FREE place to work out, I'm envious. I actually don't pay much attention to the people around me when I'm working out. I know there's a lot of everybody at my gym, but I'm usually too busy to notice (or care).

Kim said...

You know I feel stupid for even feeling like that about the gym - I used to not give a rat's ass who was there and I'm embarrassed I feel like that now. I need to get over myself already.

Swistle said...

Ha ha! I would go to that gym, but only wearing a "BEHOLD YOUR FUTURE!" t-shirt.

LL Cool Joe said...

I think I must be a lazy whore too then. Let's just say, I'm not as committed as LL Cool J.

Cancer sucks. I HATE that it takes the lives of so many beautiful people. I've lost so many loved ones to the illness. As you so rightly say, how long is gonna take before some one finds a cure! Shit, they can transplant a whole new face on to somebody, but not find a cure for this fucking disease? :(

Kim said...

Swistle - Oh dear God. I think I need to make myself a t-shirt.

Joe - It's scary but I can name ten people off of the top of my head who I've known and loved who have died from it. I just hate it so much.

Anonymous said...

Generaly speaking, we are all self-conscious when we are around other people...and the gym is probably the worst place for that. For most people...it doesn't change regardless of the condition you are in...so just pop your iPod in your ears and just go for it.

Anonymous said...

Swistle, you are hilarious. She has to make "wooo" noises and wiggle her fingers at them, too. MTAE, you work out at a YMCA with freaky naked old people, so you have no self-esteem issues to contribute to this discussion.

Kim, I felt that way about the gym at my college WHEN I WAS A COLLEGE STUDENT. They were all tanned and skinny and I was pale and normal-sized. So I feel you.

I've been working for a lawyer for too long, because the second thing I thought when I saw that picture and read your description, after "Oh, God, how awful" was "I bet that'll be a quick and large settlement."

crisitunity said...

That was me, the anonymous one.

Shari said...

First of all, I hate to say it, but cancer is just way too big of a business for someone to just up and find a cure. Don't even get me started. I'm not even gonna take out the soapbox. But, I just had breakfast with a friend today, and her father was just diagnosed. That makes 4 people right now that I know who are going through chemo. Is it just because we are getting older? Frig.

Also, we're off to the island the week before and up to July 4th and will be back that weekend. Knowing our luck, that's when you are heading down? Frig #2.

As far as the getting in shape thing, I am on a 30-day crunch because of above paragraph. I have even taken up RUNNING!!! I have never been a runner, never, ever, ever. But, I think I might be a runner now. I ever so slightly MISS IT when I don't run. Fuh-reaky, right?

Shari said...

PS: Are you talking about Uncle Richie? So sorry to hear. I hope he pulls through okay.

Kim said...

Yes, Uncle Richie.
It has me worried.