This morning I realized I didn't pick up my next baby-making prescription last night like I was supposed to. It's pretty bad when you're trying so hard not to focus on what you can't help focusing on you end up focusing yourself right out of what you're supposed to do. That made a lot more sense in my head.
So I raced out of here and drove quickly to the Deathstar. I figured it wouldn't be too bad at 10:30 on a rainy weekday morning. Silly me. But only one person was ahead of me in line, so not too bad. Until that person left and two women walked right past me and up to the counter with nary a backwards glance. I've had a lot of near fist fights at this store, but this time I could literally feel my blood pressure rising. The person behind the counter either didn't notice or just pretended not to, so when they were getting ready to leave I said loudly enough for her to hear, "I know your time is more important than ours, but maybe next time you should stand in line like everybody else." The people behind me were like, "Yeah!" and the two women in their cheap weaves and nasty sweatsuits mumbled some shit under their breath then one smiled and said "Have a blessed day!" all sarcastic-like. I said, "Thanks; you have a cursed day," and everybody laughed, which was awesome. Normally I wouldn't have said anything then come up with all the stuff I should've said for days. So far my only regret is not saying, "Are you SURE you want to cut in line at the pharmacy??? You could be depriving a crazy person of their meds and that's not ever advisable."
"Have a blessed day" - It seems as though that is a very popular saying around here and I hear it a lot talking to DSS employees and day care staff people on the phone. I'd never heard this until we got back here - is it a southern thing? Is it a new development in phony social niceties? Because I'm not kidding when I say the way most of them say it sounds more like "Fuck the fuck off." Have a blessed day. Stupid asses.
Or maybe I'm just looking at it wrong and it really is a nice sentiment, but my nature prevents me from thinking that way. Along those same lines, sort of, is a new list I've started (shocker). It is called Things I Should Like But Don't. This is what I have so far:
Massages - Sister and some of my friends LIVE for these things. For Sister who is a court reporter, a massage is a rare treat she allows herself when her back is at its breaking point and she feels this has helped her a great deal over the past few years. Our friend Jen is the same way and tries to schedule herself one once every couple of months. She thought she'd be nice one weekend while visiting and treat me to one as well. I think I've written about the experience before, so suffice it to say it felt like we became characters starring in a Stephen King novel and I was way more stressed and knotted up afterwards than I ever was before I'd experienced it. Never again. If I wanted strangers to touch me with my shirt off, I would have become an adult entertainer.
Pedicures - Again, strangers touching me, not a fan. I'm very ticklish and don't like people touching my feet. I also have a great disdain for people who speak in other languages (in this case mostly Korean) to each other in front of me and my friends. You KNOW they're talking shit and laughing because they're doing it RIGHT IN FRONT OF US! I do like the massage chairs you get to sit in though. I'd much rather have a chair massage me than a person - I wonder what that says about me.
The Twilight series - I've tried, I really have. Now I'm stuck in the middle of book two just like I was with the last one. It's not like I don't like the idea of hot, sparkly vampires, it's just that the writing is SO BAD. I'm sorry! I know I'm in the minority here and I doubt Stephanie Meyer will lose any sleep over my criticism. She can't hear any criticism from atop that big pile of money she now lives on. I am planning on watching the dvd though, if only to sit in amazement over the fact that Edward the vampire used to be Cedric Diggory, friend of Harry Potter. Plus, the hotness.
Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwiches - I know, I must be a communist. I can handle peanut butter with other stuff (like chocolate) but jelly can go straight to hell. Yeesh!
Baths - The other night Brian was taking a shower and the showerhead fell apart, causing a small but significant watery mess all over the bathroom and he now knows what it's like to bathe under a waterfall. The next day I took a bird bath (thank you Shari) or a whore's bath (thank you Heather) in the sink and prayed he'd be able to get something to fix the shower that night. Luckily he did, therefore allowing my bath abstinence to continue. A lot of people love them and say it's completely relaxing and for them I'm sure it is. Me, I have trouble relaxing when I'm clothed and dry, let alone naked and wet (yes, issues). I've even tried reading and still just can't get into it, thinking about sitting around soaking in my own dirt. Even bubble baths leave me feeling like I need to shower off all the sticky shit afterwards. I know. I'm strange.
Self check-outs - In theory these are great and I was very excited for them at first. It is fun scanning and bagging stuff, but now it's mostly just me getting stuck behind the asshole who has a ton of shit and who ends up needing the assistance of one of the store's employees so the whole time-saving idea is nonexistent. I'll use them if I have one item and no one is in front of me but other than that, no thanks.
Beaches - I know, right? Why don't I just move to Alaska (please?) and live in an igloo! I will admit we had a great time last Labor Day on a beach family weekend but that was mainly because it had been so long since I'd been to one, it was somewhat of a novelty again. Plus his dad had rented a badass house for us all and we ate and drank a lot. And I got to take a long bike ride. I still really only enjoyed the actually sand and water part of it in the early morning and at dusk. I think this has to do with growing up in Florida and under my parents' rule being forced to spend many beach days without having any choice in the matter. I've also gotten sunburned badly enough so I briefly considered suicide only to make the pain stop. Lakes and rivers are cool, mountains are the best, but beaches are best left for those who tan easily and/or know how to surf.
Okay, well now I've just confirmed what you've been thinking for awhile anyway, that I'm weird, so I'll stop right here. Believe it or not I am very fond of a lot of things too, one of them being quittin' time. And since it's about that time, I am o-u-t, OUT!
Showing posts with label Walmart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Walmart. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Follow-up
You know, it was mornings like this one that make me wish I was still smoking cigarettes. Or crack, whichever.
Shortly after I wrote that last semi-hysterical post, I decided to calm down and try to be mature about the whole thing. I called the doctor's office and left a message. Then I hit redial non-stop for twenty minutes until I reached a human, who happened to be the on-call nurse, since of course everyone in both the Columbia and Charleston offices had already left at noon like I knew they would.
The nurse interrupted my ranting about the doctor to tell me No no, it was all her fault. She'd thought she had already called me back but OOPSIE, apparently hadn't. Pam? (That's her name, On-call Nurse Pam.) Have you been dipping into the office Rx candy jar a little too heavily? I've given customers, clients and vendors a lot of excuses in my time, but admitting I THOUGHT I called but DIDN'T has never been one of them. But I was so relieved to finally be speaking to a human, I didn't even bitch at her, which now looking back on it, sort of sucks. Either way, she finally told me the good and not-so-good news.
The Good - I had not one, like Dr. Personality had told me, but two good follicles. This is very good. When I told them I thought it was supposed to be three to five like they'd told me a few days ago, she told me no; the perfect numbers were two to four. These two offices really need to get together and have a meeting regarding telling the patients the same information. But whatever; good number, yay!
The Not-so-good - They're still a little too small, so I have two more days of Follistim shots, then go back in Tuesday for yet another ultrasound, at which time they should be big enough to do their job. I'll most likely have to shoot up the ovulation-inducing drugs at that point and then either Thursday or Friday make the trip south to at long last get the IUI done. Just a few days later than what I'd been thinking it would be.
And I'm fine with that, I really am. These last two months have been a test of my patience and fortitude and I think I've passed with flying colors. I'm one of those people who likes to write in the little calendar squares for upcoming events that are scheduled months ahead of time. I like to have count-downs. I like to look forward to things and know when they're going to happen. All this vagueness with these dates had the potential to tip me right over the edge, but it really didn't get bad until the last few days, so I'm proud of myself for not losing my shit until today.
Of course, the real waiting hasn't even started yet, so this little glitch today was sort of a joke. Because of course you know (of course you do) that after the IUI is done, I have to wait another two weeks before being allowed to take a pregnancy test. Two. Weeks. Which is, what, like the third week in March? And then, God forbid that one doesn't take, all these fun times start all over again. But I can't even think about that right now or I will get in my car and drive the six miles to go score some street drugs down in the projects.
After I settled down, I went to Walmart (where they did NOT in fact have any firewood, MTAE, but it was only because they'd sold out), bought some comfort food in the form of sour cream & onion Pringles, Breyer's Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream and hard salami, backtracked to Piggly Wiggly for some Duraflame logs (they were out of real wood too; this is what happens when there is the threat of a possible snow flurry in South Carolina), came home and took a long and lovely fireside nap. I was looking forward to waking up to the predicted three to five inches of snow, only to find freezing rain with some flurries thrown in for shits and giggles.
So, whatever. Today was pretty much a pain in the hole and if I could've, I would've punched it right off the calendar. But now I don't have to because it's officially over. And I'm off work tomorrow, so already it's a vast improvement over today.
This might be the hormones talking, but I'm saying it anyway. Being able to talk about all this via this unusual format and getting supportive and loving feedback from people who don't even know me has been the coolest experience. I love you guys and I'm currently looking into using some vacation days in the near future to drive around to all your houses and kiss you all. With tongue. Now that I'm a non-smoker, my breath is really fresh, so think about it and let me know.
Shortly after I wrote that last semi-hysterical post, I decided to calm down and try to be mature about the whole thing. I called the doctor's office and left a message. Then I hit redial non-stop for twenty minutes until I reached a human, who happened to be the on-call nurse, since of course everyone in both the Columbia and Charleston offices had already left at noon like I knew they would.
The nurse interrupted my ranting about the doctor to tell me No no, it was all her fault. She'd thought she had already called me back but OOPSIE, apparently hadn't. Pam? (That's her name, On-call Nurse Pam.) Have you been dipping into the office Rx candy jar a little too heavily? I've given customers, clients and vendors a lot of excuses in my time, but admitting I THOUGHT I called but DIDN'T has never been one of them. But I was so relieved to finally be speaking to a human, I didn't even bitch at her, which now looking back on it, sort of sucks. Either way, she finally told me the good and not-so-good news.
The Good - I had not one, like Dr. Personality had told me, but two good follicles. This is very good. When I told them I thought it was supposed to be three to five like they'd told me a few days ago, she told me no; the perfect numbers were two to four. These two offices really need to get together and have a meeting regarding telling the patients the same information. But whatever; good number, yay!
The Not-so-good - They're still a little too small, so I have two more days of Follistim shots, then go back in Tuesday for yet another ultrasound, at which time they should be big enough to do their job. I'll most likely have to shoot up the ovulation-inducing drugs at that point and then either Thursday or Friday make the trip south to at long last get the IUI done. Just a few days later than what I'd been thinking it would be.
And I'm fine with that, I really am. These last two months have been a test of my patience and fortitude and I think I've passed with flying colors. I'm one of those people who likes to write in the little calendar squares for upcoming events that are scheduled months ahead of time. I like to have count-downs. I like to look forward to things and know when they're going to happen. All this vagueness with these dates had the potential to tip me right over the edge, but it really didn't get bad until the last few days, so I'm proud of myself for not losing my shit until today.
Of course, the real waiting hasn't even started yet, so this little glitch today was sort of a joke. Because of course you know (of course you do) that after the IUI is done, I have to wait another two weeks before being allowed to take a pregnancy test. Two. Weeks. Which is, what, like the third week in March? And then, God forbid that one doesn't take, all these fun times start all over again. But I can't even think about that right now or I will get in my car and drive the six miles to go score some street drugs down in the projects.
After I settled down, I went to Walmart (where they did NOT in fact have any firewood, MTAE, but it was only because they'd sold out), bought some comfort food in the form of sour cream & onion Pringles, Breyer's Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream and hard salami, backtracked to Piggly Wiggly for some Duraflame logs (they were out of real wood too; this is what happens when there is the threat of a possible snow flurry in South Carolina), came home and took a long and lovely fireside nap. I was looking forward to waking up to the predicted three to five inches of snow, only to find freezing rain with some flurries thrown in for shits and giggles.
So, whatever. Today was pretty much a pain in the hole and if I could've, I would've punched it right off the calendar. But now I don't have to because it's officially over. And I'm off work tomorrow, so already it's a vast improvement over today.
This might be the hormones talking, but I'm saying it anyway. Being able to talk about all this via this unusual format and getting supportive and loving feedback from people who don't even know me has been the coolest experience. I love you guys and I'm currently looking into using some vacation days in the near future to drive around to all your houses and kiss you all. With tongue. Now that I'm a non-smoker, my breath is really fresh, so think about it and let me know.
Monday, December 22, 2008
I'd have a more relaxing day if I was at work
Wanna see my to-do list for today? Sure you do!
1. Post office - What's that you say about waiting til the last minute? Shut up. I thought I was going to be in Florida to hand deliver these gifts, but I'm not. And I've been busy. Shut up.
2. Pay cable and water bills. I suppose I could mail them, but I'm going to stop into my favorite thrift store to visit the girls there and it's right across the street from the cable company. And I keep forgetting to pay the water bill, so I'm scared if I mail it, it'll get shut off. It's happened before. Sadly, our water bill is the cheapest bill we have, but I usually end up screwing it up somehow. And the City of Columbia's website is so lame, you can't pay your bill online. They're in the process of trying to change that because everyone has been telling them how lame it is. But they haven't changed it yet, so hello water company. That reminds me -
3. Put change in wallet for parking meters. It is because of this fair city I learned how to parallel park for real and not just fake it for my driver's test. There are meters everywhere and they are strictly enforced. One of my most favorite things to do is put an extra quarter in when I'm leaving so the next person has some free minutes. Good parking karma is very important.
4. Bank. Have to deposit a Christmas check that came early from his dad. Last year he got me a Barnes & Noble gift card. Brian told him to just send us money this year. But I think I'll stop at Barnes & Noble for a book anyway because I know that's what his dad would want me to do.
5. The Deathstar. I swore I wouldn't set foot back in Walmart until after January 1st, but the combination of having to return something, running out of garbage bags and toilet paper simultaneously and needing a few grocery items, well, there you have it. That is the evil genius that is the Mart - having everything you need at prices cheaper than the more civilized stores. Why didn't I realize about the garbage bags and toilet paper when I was at Target two days ago? Because I'm an idiot.
6. Gamestop. This will be my favorite chore of the day. Brian had his PlayStation 2 stolen a couple of years back, when some asshole broke into his truck. He hasn't missed it too much since then until now. He saw a commercial for this war game called Call of Duty and lost his mind. I thought about buying the PC version of the game, but the graphics are so amazing, our computer wouldn't do it justice. I thought of getting him an Xbox or PS3, but then found many more things I could do with the four hundred or so dollars that would take. So I contacted all my gamer friends and asked where I could get a good deal on a PS2 and Gamestop was the suggestion. The store I'm going to is .4 miles from my house and has both the PS2 and the game. They open at 9:00. I'll be there at 9:05. Yay, Christmas! I can't wait to see the look on his face. Which is pretty much why I love this time of year so much. Well, that and candy canes.
I hope everybody has a fun and productive day. If you need me I'll be standing in line somewhere.
1. Post office - What's that you say about waiting til the last minute? Shut up. I thought I was going to be in Florida to hand deliver these gifts, but I'm not. And I've been busy. Shut up.
2. Pay cable and water bills. I suppose I could mail them, but I'm going to stop into my favorite thrift store to visit the girls there and it's right across the street from the cable company. And I keep forgetting to pay the water bill, so I'm scared if I mail it, it'll get shut off. It's happened before. Sadly, our water bill is the cheapest bill we have, but I usually end up screwing it up somehow. And the City of Columbia's website is so lame, you can't pay your bill online. They're in the process of trying to change that because everyone has been telling them how lame it is. But they haven't changed it yet, so hello water company. That reminds me -
3. Put change in wallet for parking meters. It is because of this fair city I learned how to parallel park for real and not just fake it for my driver's test. There are meters everywhere and they are strictly enforced. One of my most favorite things to do is put an extra quarter in when I'm leaving so the next person has some free minutes. Good parking karma is very important.
4. Bank. Have to deposit a Christmas check that came early from his dad. Last year he got me a Barnes & Noble gift card. Brian told him to just send us money this year. But I think I'll stop at Barnes & Noble for a book anyway because I know that's what his dad would want me to do.
5. The Deathstar. I swore I wouldn't set foot back in Walmart until after January 1st, but the combination of having to return something, running out of garbage bags and toilet paper simultaneously and needing a few grocery items, well, there you have it. That is the evil genius that is the Mart - having everything you need at prices cheaper than the more civilized stores. Why didn't I realize about the garbage bags and toilet paper when I was at Target two days ago? Because I'm an idiot.
6. Gamestop. This will be my favorite chore of the day. Brian had his PlayStation 2 stolen a couple of years back, when some asshole broke into his truck. He hasn't missed it too much since then until now. He saw a commercial for this war game called Call of Duty and lost his mind. I thought about buying the PC version of the game, but the graphics are so amazing, our computer wouldn't do it justice. I thought of getting him an Xbox or PS3, but then found many more things I could do with the four hundred or so dollars that would take. So I contacted all my gamer friends and asked where I could get a good deal on a PS2 and Gamestop was the suggestion. The store I'm going to is .4 miles from my house and has both the PS2 and the game. They open at 9:00. I'll be there at 9:05. Yay, Christmas! I can't wait to see the look on his face. Which is pretty much why I love this time of year so much. Well, that and candy canes.
I hope everybody has a fun and productive day. If you need me I'll be standing in line somewhere.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Day at the Deathstar
I've told many anecdotes on my Myspace blog regarding my local Walmart, a.k.a. ("the Deathstar) (which I believe was one of the first terms ex-friend Bob stole from me, but moving on) but this one here is a doozy. It not only takes the cake, it takes the ice cream and the birthday hats that go along with it.
It was Friday, so I had the day off and spent the morning doing mildly productive things like working from home and catching up on Perez Hilton. Brian took the afternoon off because he's been needing new tires on the truck and there was no way that was happening today (Saturday) because the Carolina Gameocks play at 2:00, nor tomorrow (Sunday) which is the weekly Day at His Parents' house for Lunch that Lasts Three Hours. So. I'd called around doing some comparisons on prices and installations and found the 'Mart had the best deal. Okay, great. We had a few things we needed to pick up anyway, it's practically across the street from our neighborhood which is the main factor in why I keep going there even though it's never ever a good experience.
Off we went.
We arrived a little after 2 p.m. We left the truck in the capable hands of the automotive department around 2:15 and they told us they'd page us when it was ready. Great! Off to look around and shop. It's not often we're in there together, since he so generously leaves the grocery shopping detail almost entirely to me, so the novelty of being together there was fun. At first.
After about forty-five minutes, we were done with our purchases and went back to the tire place, figuring they had to be close to being done. They hadn't paged us mind you, but since no one was in line in front of us, forty-five minutes to an hour should've been adequate time to take off and replace tires. No. The truck was still in the same spot and it didn't appear anything had been done to it. We put our bags inside the truck (luckily we hadn't bought any food) and stood outside the garage area smoking and sort of watching the crew. They seemed to be busy, but doing what, I'm not sure.
I won't put you through the agony how how we spent the next TWO AND A HALF HOURS, but when we left there, it was 5:30. So. A little over three hours to get tires replaced. Maybe it was the fact Brian added windshield wiper replacement to the order as well? That may have been it. All I know is Grace and I have put in some marathon Walmart sessions, but I have never, EVER spent that long a period of time in that store. I'm not sure I'll ever fully recover. The upside: I now know what every single thing in there costs.
The is one more part to this story. Later that evening we were driving down the interstate on our way to Kelly's party. All of a sudden Brian sort of freaks out and pulls off onto the shoulder, scaring the shit out of me, all "What the hell?" Apparently the rocket scientists down at the FOREST DRIVE, COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA WALMART AUTOMOTIVE DEPARTMENT had popped the hood for whatever reason then neglected to shut it correctly. We didn't notice on our short drive home, but going 70 down the interstate and seeing it come loose, with visions of Tommy Boy and it flying up, shattering the windshield and most likely killing us - well, I believe my husband might have gotten his first gray hair last night.
I'm trying to look on the bright side. The truck has new tires (which are hopefully securely attached; he's going to check that this morning), I have some of the items crossed off my stuff I needed to buy list and we got to spend some quality time together.
This is what I get for being a cheap Jew. Next time we'll pay the extra hundred bucks and go to Firestone.
It was Friday, so I had the day off and spent the morning doing mildly productive things like working from home and catching up on Perez Hilton. Brian took the afternoon off because he's been needing new tires on the truck and there was no way that was happening today (Saturday) because the Carolina Gameocks play at 2:00, nor tomorrow (Sunday) which is the weekly Day at His Parents' house for Lunch that Lasts Three Hours. So. I'd called around doing some comparisons on prices and installations and found the 'Mart had the best deal. Okay, great. We had a few things we needed to pick up anyway, it's practically across the street from our neighborhood which is the main factor in why I keep going there even though it's never ever a good experience.
Off we went.
We arrived a little after 2 p.m. We left the truck in the capable hands of the automotive department around 2:15 and they told us they'd page us when it was ready. Great! Off to look around and shop. It's not often we're in there together, since he so generously leaves the grocery shopping detail almost entirely to me, so the novelty of being together there was fun. At first.
After about forty-five minutes, we were done with our purchases and went back to the tire place, figuring they had to be close to being done. They hadn't paged us mind you, but since no one was in line in front of us, forty-five minutes to an hour should've been adequate time to take off and replace tires. No. The truck was still in the same spot and it didn't appear anything had been done to it. We put our bags inside the truck (luckily we hadn't bought any food) and stood outside the garage area smoking and sort of watching the crew. They seemed to be busy, but doing what, I'm not sure.
I won't put you through the agony how how we spent the next TWO AND A HALF HOURS, but when we left there, it was 5:30. So. A little over three hours to get tires replaced. Maybe it was the fact Brian added windshield wiper replacement to the order as well? That may have been it. All I know is Grace and I have put in some marathon Walmart sessions, but I have never, EVER spent that long a period of time in that store. I'm not sure I'll ever fully recover. The upside: I now know what every single thing in there costs.
The is one more part to this story. Later that evening we were driving down the interstate on our way to Kelly's party. All of a sudden Brian sort of freaks out and pulls off onto the shoulder, scaring the shit out of me, all "What the hell?" Apparently the rocket scientists down at the FOREST DRIVE, COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA WALMART AUTOMOTIVE DEPARTMENT had popped the hood for whatever reason then neglected to shut it correctly. We didn't notice on our short drive home, but going 70 down the interstate and seeing it come loose, with visions of Tommy Boy and it flying up, shattering the windshield and most likely killing us - well, I believe my husband might have gotten his first gray hair last night.
I'm trying to look on the bright side. The truck has new tires (which are hopefully securely attached; he's going to check that this morning), I have some of the items crossed off my stuff I needed to buy list and we got to spend some quality time together.
This is what I get for being a cheap Jew. Next time we'll pay the extra hundred bucks and go to Firestone.
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