Laments and Observations

Pity my husband.
This is a dramatic re-enactment of an actual conversation between Brian (referred to as "B") and myself ("K") last night in our living room.

K: God, I can't WAIT to go away this weekend; it's going to be so much fun!
B: I know; I'm looking forward to it too.
K: I can't remember the last time we went to the beach. Can we take a night walk on the beach together!?!
B: Yes.
K: I'm just so excited. It's been too long since we've gone anywhere together, you know?
B: Yeah. I'm glad my dad decided to have all the wives come along this time instead of just the guys like last time.
K: And vacation sex! How great is that!
B: *Laughs* Yeah, it will be fun.
K: Hey.
B: Yes?
K: Remember that time you had sex with that French girl in the ocean who couldn't even speak English, but you somehow communicated well enough together that you HAD SEX IN THE OCEAN???
B: (Nervously) Yes...
K: You're a friggin' WHORE, you know that?
B: *Sighs* Sometimes I forget you remember every single thing I've ever told you.
K: I know you do. But I don't.
B: I know.
K: So, you'll have sex with some French slut in the ocean, but not me?
B: Do you WANT to have sex in the ocean?
K: No! That would be nasty, like a saltwater douche or something!
B: *Shakes head, walks away*
And that right there people, is why there is a picture of my father at my wedding giving the thumbs-up sign as he handed me over to Brian.