Thursday, October 2, 2008

I'm turning into a regular social butterfly

I guess my IT friend got wind of me saying "Who do I have to blow to get a new computer around here?" and also got tired of me emailing and IM-ing him with questions like, "Why can't Brian install a new game?" and "Why is the computer running slower than a retard on sedatives?" and "Why do I have no space left on my hard drive after downloading eleventy thousand songs?" because today he stopped answering my questions and just put a new computer on a UPS truck headed straight for me. Sometimes I really forget how lucky I am to have the friends I have.

Now if someone has a spare refrigerator lying around, that'd be great because I think ours is about to lose its ability to stay sealed shut. I'm no appliance expert, but I'm guessing that's not a good thing. And when we were in Home Depot tonight and took a peek at what new ones are running these days...Haha! That was funny funny joke. I'm not worried though because I know the law of our household is much like Murphy's in that as soon as things start going a little smoothly, mayhaps even prosperously, something is about to fuck up. What worries me is when nothing is wrong or on the brink of ruin. And anyway, I already have a plan. Soon it'll be cold enough to store my perishables outside and until then we'll just eat boxed pasta and canned vegetables. If there's anything I've learned from near-poverty, it's resourcefulness, by golly.

Kristen has decided to have a Halloween party the weekend our Avatel girls are here from Florida, and I for one am positively giddy with excitement. I love Halloween. Always have. I'm sure it started out because of ending up with a shitload of candy at the end of the evening, but it's not about the candy anymore (unless you're talking about Brach's candy corn) (which damn, I need a calorie count and serving size for them or they will be the ruination of the diet) - I think I love it for the time of year it falls, for the anticipation leading up to it with all the horror movies shown on every cable channel (and The Great Pumpkin), the decorations, the picking out and carving the pumpkin - I love scooping the goop and if you want a kick ASS recipe for baked pumpkin seeds, hit me up. I haven't had a reason to wear a costume for about eight years, so I'm excited about that too. Right now Annette is pressuring me to be Amy Winehouse, but I'm trying to tell her if I'm Tina Fey as Sarah Palin, all I'll have to do is pull my hair back in a barrette and put on a dressy yet tasteful suit. And my real dream has always been to be Carrie. How great would it be to walk into a party in a prom dress covered in pig's blood? I think it's a great idea, but requires way more balls than I have.

We also have my (the cool one) sister-in-law's 30th birthday tomorrow night - what the hell with all these parties!? I can't remember the last time we've been to a party and now two in the same month. See, this is why October is my favorite. All kinds of fun stuff happens. Including the anniversary for NINE YEARS of wedded bliss a week from tonight. Crazy, right? We're celebrating by having Grace, Elizabeth, Taylor and their two dogs arrive for the weekend and I can't think of anything I'd rather do. And don't worry, Grace - even though we're sister-wives, you don't have to participate in the anniversary relations. Although if I'm not feeling up to it, you could always be my pinch hitter...No. We're very thoughtful hosts who realize our walls are thin and our bed is squeaky - we get the business out of the way before guests arrive. I mean, it's not like you haven't seen and heard me before anyway...okay. Now we're just getting into very very inappropriate territory and we're all now a little uncomfortable. Sorry. What I'm trying to say is we'll bang it out before you get here, after you leave, but not during your stay.

I know. I should totally start writing that ettiquette book immediately.


Grace said...

I so appreciate your ability to abstain from marital relations while my child, her friend and I are guests in your home. I'm sure the dogs wouldn't care-it's nothing they haven't seen before! But still, thanks in advance.

Also, as much fun as it is being "sister-wives" with you, I really am glad that I will never have to consummate our plural marriage with the husband because that would just be too weird...I know Brian will just be happy because we will both be there to wait on him, just the way he likes it! You WILL make sure there's chips and salsa-right? I can't wait!!!

wafelenbak said...

You can actually buy the bloody prom dress costume on line and save yourself the bleeding pig. :)

Psuedokim said...

wafelenbak, you just became my new hero.