Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Okay Karma, you win. Again.

I knew this whole playing-hookie-from-Thanksgiving thing was coming along just a tad too smoothly. I mean, not only was his mom cool with us having other plans, she'd even whipped up a pecan pie and homemade stuffing to send with me to bring to our "get-together." For almost a week now, I've been calm and serene knowing I'd have very minimal work to do to get ready for a laid-back day and simple meal.

This is why I usually get nervous when things are going too well and I should've known this time would be no different.

Last night I heard Brian talking to his older brother on the phone. I didn't think much of it since they often do this while playing poker online. This is the same brother who we saw and hung out with over Labor Day weekend at the beach; the one with the tall blond fake-boobied wife I wrote about and have yet to decide if she's friend or foe. They were still on the phone with him when I passed blissfully into a sedative-induced coma.

I woke up late but refreshed and toodled on into work this morning in a fine mood. I may or may not have even sung along enthusisastically to Love Shack. I'm now thankful for that last moment of ignorant bliss.

Brian called not too long after I'd arrived with some exciting news.

This Saturday is the Carolina/Clemson game. We'd already known his dad and Jesse were coming over to watch it with us. Jesse is his dad's girlfriend's son. I was totally cool with that; they came over last year to watch this game as well and we had a good time. However, along with them, I now find out we're having additional guests. Which would of course be Bruce Jr. and Toni, the Amazon Babe. I'm not sure if the kids are coming too, but at this point that so doesn't even come close to making a difference.

My laid-back, spending the entire weekend pantsless, doing my best impression of a sloth long weekend has turned into something very very different. It happened so fast, I'm not sure I even comprehend the full scope of my horror yet. Whereas once I was going to put up the Christmas decorations at my leisure, now I'm pretty sure I'm going to start tonight. Instead of almost being all done with the grocery stores this week, I now have to make a new list and get enough stuff that will be crowd friendly and football-appropriate. Thanksgiving leftovers would be great except we're not going to HAVE any Thanksgiving leftovers. Because I am a stupid asshole.

And my house, MY FUCKING HOUSE! This will be the first time these people are seeing our house. I don't need to worry about the fact that it's not a fancy house - according to the many references Toni made to their pool, their spa, their 3 1/2 baths, they have the Mcmansion situation covered. I DO however have to make sure it is fit for human eyes. (Of course it's already perfectly spotless and shiny and beautiful already, with no dog hair anywhere, Ha.Ha.Ha. Ohhhhhhhhhh, ha!)


Okay, I feel much better. There is NO NEED to panic. This is a HOLIDAY and HOLIDAYS are meant to be spent with FAMILY and this is FAMILY. Right? RIIIIIIGHT???? And I know, I know deep down in my crispy, shriveled up little black heart that whatever weird feelings I had about Toni were simply the product of my own fertile, over-sensitive imagination and I'm going to have tons of fun with her on Saturday. Brian said she's really looking forward to seeing us again and that she'd probably want to go shopping or something, that we can do that while the boys are watching the game.

My husband suggesting I go shopping. This speaks volumes of the precarious mental state he knows I'm entering into. Black is white, up is down, I'm sweating, I'm burning up, I'm on FIRE!!!

Aren't you glad I'm not melodramatic? I'd sure hate to see it if I was.


Anonymous said...

1. Uh...We always appreciate photos of "tall blond fake-boobied wife" type people. :)

2. Spend little time cleaning and just invest in a higher grade of alcohol. Put your priorities in order! Save the PBR for another time.

Anonymous said...

The photos would just be to judge whether or not you are overreacting to her appearance...or if the boobs are real.

Take your pick.

Psuedokim said...

Well in that case I should post some pictures from Labor Day weekend - WHEN SHE WORE NOTHING BUT A BIKINI FOR MOST OF THE WEEKEND!!!

Anonymous said...

At least you're not hanging with the side of the family that could rat you out to Brian's mom! ;)