Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Gossipy conundrum

I've been debating all day on how I was going to write about this particular topic (I still find it hard to use the word "blog" as a verb) when I realized - I can write about it here and don't have to put it on Myspace, where all parties involved would see it and get mad at me in varying degrees of intensity! Yay for relative annonymity!

Has anyone ever told you something you did not want to hear? It's hard to plug your ears and go la la la when they tell you in the form of an email, I'll tell you what. If someone sends me an email full of juicy info, dammit, I'm gonna read it! It was addressed to me; that's what it's for, right? Now I'm sorry I did.

Here's the deal. It's sort of weird and confusing, so if you have questions let me know.

Part of our group of South Carolina friends are my ex-boyfriend and his wife. I know, strange. But if you knew the ex, you'd like him too; very laid back, friendly, personable and funny. We truly broke up under the most amicable of terms. Brian met him a year or so after we'd gotten together and they hit it off. I met the wife and we hit it off. It was a nice and convenient situation actually, and I would've recommended it to anyone who asked.

Unfortunately it was too good to last and shortly after we moved back up here, they began to have problems. Her dad died, which sent her for a loop, something I could sympathize really well with. However, some of her behavior started getting weird. A close couple, they always did social stuff together, had the same group of friends and the same hangouts. But then she started wanting to go out alone. And started coming home later and later and once not at all, never with a really good reason. You see where this is headed.

So, they separated. In this state the law says you have to live apart for one year before you can divorce. Is that strange or am I just used to Florida's quickie divorce laws? Anyway, during the time they were separated, they both met other people. My ex started seeing a nice girl and he really likes her, but he's keeping it fairly casual as he was with his wife for the better part of a decade and feels like he should take things slowly no matter how much he likes J.

On the other end of the spectrum is the wife, K. In the past seven months, she met the new guy (who by the way, just REEKS douchiness from all the pictures she's posted of him on her Myspace page - and yes, Myspace is heavily involved in these people's lives and yes everyone involved is in their 30's), moved in with him, accepted an engagement ring from him at Christmas and then this. The other day her email to me was to tell me she's pregnant. And couldn't be happier about it.

Keep in mind the divorce proceedings have not even been started yet even though they were legally able to start them in November.

She told me she's not telling my ex yet because she thinks he might freak out. But. She didn't tell me not to tell him. Not that I'd planned to per se, but I was in a tizzy thinking, "What the eff should I do if he happens to ask?" Then I get an email from the new girlfriend, J. Who I'm also now friendly with. She said, "You don't have to answer this, but I noticed K's Myspace status was "Glowing" the other day and now she's in a big hurry to push the divorce through all of a sudden. You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but is she pregnant?"

I broke out in a cold sweat. I paced the floors. I asked Brian what I should do. He said "How long have you known D?" Nineteen years. "How long have you known K?" Less than half that amount of time. He then pointed out that since the separation, K has told me all sorts of lies and crazy stuff. Not that I've asked about any of it! This information has been totally unsolicited!

In a fit of Let's Get This Over With, I typed the answer to her question and hit send. This was the other night. Today, the ex and I finally talked a little about it. He's hurt, understandably, but he appreciated me telling them because they're going to see the lawyer next week and he doesn't want to be hit with anymore surprises than necessary. So on the one hand I kind of feel like I did the right thing. On the other hand, if she finds out I told them and gets pissed at me, I deserve it. I'm not sure that would even be a bad thing - maybe then she'll stop telling me all this stuff about her personal life I don't want to know.

But, since I felt the need to get it out here it's obviously still bothering me and I still feel guilty.

Stupid Myspace.


Anonymous said...

FWIW, I think you did the right thing. I understand the conundrum you were in, though. Sucky. xo

Kim said...

Thank you; it just feels high schoolish and wrong.

Taoist Biker said...

I agree with Laura. It sounds like there was an easy decision to make if you were forced to choose where your loyalties lie. It sucks, but you didn't make the high-schoolishness, K did. You did the right thing.

Scientific Lutheran said...

My overwhelming feeling is that you shouldn't lie, and if it was something K didn't want known, she shouldn't have told anyone, especially someone she knows to have contact with her soon-to-be-Ex-Husband.

I think you did the right thing.

The only other thing you could have done without telling an outright lie would to have told J that you had been in contact with K, but you didn't want to get in the middle of an already tense situation. And that would have answered the question, too.

Anonymous said...

Yeah...SHE put you in this situation and if she has known for for this long, then she really had to know that this was a possible outcome of telling you.

I am sure your relationship with you ex-boyfriend is good enough that he will not have to let anyone know how he found out this information.

Kim said...

Wow; thank you nice people. I really do feel okay about it now.

TB - yes, my loyalties are definitely with the ex, since he did nothing to deserve her shenannigans to begin with.

SL - my husband even brought up the theory maybe that IS why she told me, but either way, I wish she'd kept her mouth shut.

MTAE - the ex told me yesterday he asked her about it and left me out of it. He's a good guy; he would't sell me out on purpose.

Anonymous said...

Yes, you definitely did the right thing. In fact, really the only thing you could have done. Tough situation though.

Kim said...

Thank you, Suzy - I was expecting someone to call me a boob. Well, that still may happen.

crisitunity said...

You're not a boob. I think you did the right thing. It seems like she wanted to be found out...just as it seems like she wanted to be found out cheating on her husband, or she would have been more careful. Or, she's rotten at keeping secrets and deserves the heartache of it. I hope this will spell a better deal on the divorce for your ex.

Kim said...

Cris - she's not the person I met seven years ago, that's for sure. She really turned into a little bit of a flake and it still surprises me sometimes; I can't imagine how he feels about it since he waited a LONG TIME to get married.