Saturday, March 7, 2009

Wifely Knowledge

L.L. Cool Joe came up with a great little meme; albeit one that's had me thinking about it for over a day already - mainly because I don't feel all that knowledgable in anything. What's that saying; Jack of all trades, master of DUMB? Yeah, that's pretty much me to a T. But I really enjoyed Heather's take on it and wanted to play with the cool kids.

The rules:
1. You’ve got to post a link from the person who tagged you.
2. List 8 things that you know about on your chosen subject. You get to choose the subject.
3. You don’t have to tag anyone but you can if you want. If you do, let them know on their blog that they’ve been tagged.
4. List the rules.

I love a good list. But this was challenging for me; I never realized how much thought goes into listing eight things on one subject. Okay, enough with the disclaimers; my subject is being a wife. Okay, one more disclaimer. This by no means means I feel I'm any kind of expert in marriage or relationships. This is solely based on my experience as an almost ten-year veteran of wifehood.

1. Realize the marriage itself is more important than any wedding. When we decided to get married, he was in school and my parents were struggling with trying to sell their business - pretty much all of us were dead-ass broke. At first I was stressing out about appearances; would his family be disappointed we didn't do the fancy thing like his brother had just done five months before? Would all our friends be pissed they drove from Florida to South Carolina to watch a five-minute outside ceremony and then go to a golf course for not-very-fancy-food and drink? Then my favorite cousin put it all into perspective as usual. He said, Kim, nobody remembers anything about a wedding except whether or not they had a good time. You're having music, you've having alcohol - they'll have a good time. And the end result is that you'll be married to Brian, which was the goal to begin with. Ah, perspective. And now, almost ten years later, people still talk about our fun wedding.

2. This sounds so anti-feminist and old-fashioned, but whatever. Men are fairly simple creatures who really enjoy creature comforts. Unless they're weird. Having a good dinner ready when the guy gets home really goes a long way in showing your love. I am married to someone who loves food, so it's very satisfying to watch him do the anticipatory happy dance when something is smelling good and he's hungry. Even though it does get annoying when he's lurching over me in the tiny kitchen, lifting pot lids and stirring shit that doesn't need to be stirred, trying to make it cook faster. But I'm sorry; it's fun to cook for someone who loves to eat. I even get leery and suspicious about women who brag about never cooking for their husbands and how if he wants to eat, he can do it himself. Wha? You're mean.

3. If you are someone who likes things neat and clean yet are married to someone who has to be prodded fairly regularly to do his share of housework, you're not going to have a happy life. Either learn to let go of some of your clean leanings or be prepared to constantly pick up after someone. Constantly. Like, you are Sisyphus and the chores are the big rock and the house is the huge hill. I've put a lot of thought into this one, apparently.

4. In relation to the above, realize that if you have a messy house, no matter what the reason, it will always reflect worse on you than it does the man. It's just the way it is.

5. Blowjobs.

6. This one is a biggie. Make him the primary or even sole male person you give the majority of your attention to. Yes thank you; I am Captain Obvious, and I just said that. I made the mistake long ago of thinking it was cool to have close guy friends and that Brian was cool with it - we were so cool. Until I started doing things like having marathon phone conversations with the other guys and spending more time with them than I did with Brian and he wasn't so cool with it anymore but didn't say much and I didn't notice and then everything went to Hell in a handbasket. Hey, I never said I was too bright; I'm just glad to have learned some big lessons along the way.

7. Depending on the man, he'll need some amount of male company; dude time, if you will. Some men need a lot; Brian needs a fair amount and I've always tried hard not to begrudge him that, because he's never begrudged me my girl time. Yes, a round of golf takes almost all day. Yes, hunting means he leaves the house at four in the morning and comes home twelve hours later dirty, smelly and with a bloody carcass in the back of his truck. Yes, a bachelor party is going to involve titties. I'm sorry - it's important for them to still be one of the guys. I have enough girlfriends to do girl things with; I don't need or want my husband to be another one of them. As long as the man isn't spending every night away from you involved in questionable activities, give him some space - damn! Nobody wants to be around your nagging ass 24/7! Yes, I'm projecting; I know several women who are Smotherers and I want to slap them.

8. As a wife, you're expected to play many roles: lover, friend, encourager, number one fan and cheerleader (sometimes you're even required to dress the part of the cheerleader) and sometimes yeah - it can be overwhelming. But in my experience, it's also been really rewarding and I would recommend it to near just about anyone.

I'm not good at tagging people, but if you want to do this, I'll read it and love it! Thanks, Cool Joe; that was fun.


iamheatherjo said...


I am so not wife and/or girlfriend material, but I agree with everything up to the dinner thing. ;)

Because, you know, I almost killed a man once just for asking me "What's for dinner?".

Kim said...

Heather - I think I've trained him enough not to EXPECT dinner, but to APPRECIATE it. Because yeah, he could slide into that role a little too easily if I let him! You better RECOGNIZE, fool!!!

crisitunity said...

I agree with the dinner thing entirely. I live with a guy who loves to eat, and it makes me very happy to see him happy because I made something yummy for him. I struggled with the non-feminism of this for YEARS.

This post also made me laugh. Tanks.

Kim said...

Cris - We shouldn't feel guilty for doing something women have enjoyed doing for many years; it's not like I'm walking around the house in pearls and heels! Plus I'm a damn good cook and proud of it.

LL Cool Joe said...

Hey this is great! Thanks so much for doing this and I love your perspective on marriage. Of course it's not the same for everyone and it should be said that not all men are like this!

Sounds like you have a great marriage, and it really works for you. :)

Kim said...

Joe - I'm pretty happy with it; I hope that came across clearly!

LL Cool Joe said...

Oh yeah it did Kim. You wouldn't be happily married if you weren't. My only point was that not all men are like this, I wasn't sure if it was just referring to your husband or men in general. I sure ain't picking a fight or anything though mate, just saying. :)

I like posts like this coz it makes me think. :)

Taoist Biker said...

Veddy sagely. And no, I'm NOT just talking about #5.

Kim said...

Joe - no, no - it's all good. I love meme's that are revealing and thoughtful and yours was the best one I've seen in a long time!

TB - I only report what I know.