Thursday, April 2, 2009

I gave it to him in the rear but he was cool about it

I tweeted, twatted or whatever the hell the other day "Just when you think it can't get any worse someone sneaks it in your butt." Oh, the prophetic nature of that statement. That's why you'll never hear me say something stupid like, "It just can't get any worse!" because OF COURSE IT CAN AND IT USUALLY WILL!!!

Money has been a major issue for over week. Add to that the general stresses of a busy work week, a broke-down truck (it's fixed, praise Jesus) and many more doctor's visits with all the poking, prodding and important time-sensitive activities that go along with all that. Just today I was back there again, with strict instructions to be waiting on a call from Nurse Monique to give me further instructions. Of course she called while I was racing back to work in a monsoon from running errands on my "lunch hour."

I was stopped at a red light behind some other cars. My phone rang. I could HEAR it; I could not FIND it. While searching frantically through the black hole I call a black purse (swapping that bitch out tonight, I can tell you that much), my foot slipped off the clutch and I bonked into the car in front of me. Hard. Fuckitty Fuck. While I sat there in shock for a second, I noticed his license plate was of the South Carolina state government employee variety. Aces!

We both got out and proceeded to inspect the damages. I was already trying to calculate how much our insurance would go up, but was having a hard time seeing any damage to his car. He couldn't see anything either and then it hit me. I knocked on my front fender area and said, "Oh, I forgot - this car is plastic!" He kind of laughed, inspected his shit for another few seconds and said, "Well, alright. Thanks for stopping anyway." I said, "No, thank you Sir!" FOR BEING THE COOLEST GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE EVER!!! The whole ordeal only lasted as long as it took the light to turn green again (which tells you how messed up the friggin' lights are around here) and we were soon both on our way again.

What. The. HELL.

Well. Thank God it ended up like that and after I stopped shaking I felt so much relief, I kind of started laughing and haven't really stopped. This isn't sane laughter by any means, but what the hey, it's laughter.

Luckily the only things I have to worry about the next few days are having sex tonight (nurse's orders, no joke), peeing on an ovulation test tomorrow and scheduling the next baby making time for either Saturday or Sunday, based on what my pee says tomorrow. After the week I've had, all that will be a total breeze.

I'm spent.


Anonymous said...

Bloody hell, Kim! Sorry about the accident, and thank goodness the guy wasn't an ass about it. Most people these days would see what is locally known here as a "whipper" in that one. :(

Anonymous said...

Saturns have bouncy bumpers. I even wrote them and told them so. (I'm not kidding.) I'm glad the accident wasn't more serious and that you and the government employee are both okay and insurance didn't have to get involved. So many things to be thankful for on that count.

Did you just want to make me feel better after I played bumper tag back in December? ;)

Four follies. Pee sticks. Fingers crossed.

Swistle said...

I am SO GLAD plastic saved the day!

Anonymous said...

Can you forward that prescription for sex to me...maybe I could trick my wife!

LL Cool Joe said...

I love the title. :D Yes I would.

I'm glad you and the cars are ok. I once let a guy drive out in front of me in a car park and then drove straight into the back of his car. I have a customized Wrangler Jeep and he had some tiny little thing (the car I mean) and boy did I do some damage (to the car I mean).

Shall I shut up now?

Good luck with the baby making. :)

Taoist Biker said...

I would say +1 to MTAE, but my wife would never fall for that. :D

Good luck this weekend!