Thursday, April 9, 2009

Oy - tonight we'll knosh until we plotz

Yiddish words are so much fun.
Well the day is finally here - tonight is the church Passover dinner, which is sure to bring the laughs. I guess it's sort of a big deal to me as well, as I feel we've come a long way from when I felt like the black sheepess of the family, with their oldest son living in sin with a Jew and all. From when the first time I ever visited his mom and George's house and noticed a book titled "How to Lead Your Jewish Friends to the Messiah," displayed surreptitiously on their coffee table. Back then there was a lot of tentativeness from them, with conversations like this:

Iris: I'm sorry if you can't eat this Kim ("Kee-yim,") but I put bacon in the potato salad
Me: That's okay; I'm not a practicing Jew and I love pork.
Iris: Well, I made a ham too; is that okay?
Me: ...


George: What tribe in Israel does your family descend from?
Me: I didn't know they had tribes in Israel, so I have no idea. Leviticus?

(Brian later confirmed there are indeed tribes that Jews come from and what's sad about that is he has a lot more knowledge of Judiasm than I do, thus he makes me look bad.)

I'm sure there's potential for some awkwardness tonight as well however, as George has little to none in the social filters department. I can picture him introducing me to people repeatedly and gleefully telling them I'm Jewish. In fact I know he will. Sort of different but also similar, a few weeks ago they had their next door neighbor over for Sunday "dinner." (I will never say that without quotation marks). When he introduced us, George told the guy I used to live in upstate New York. This guy is from Michigan. From what I can tell, Michigan is a long way from New York so I wasn't quite sure how to respond and neither was the neighbor. One thing has absolutely nothing to do with the other, except maybe we're both Yankees in George's mind and so there was potential for bonding? Also please note I lived in New York the first five years of my life and then lived and grew up in Florida. I guess he saves that part for when he introduces me to anyone from anywhere in the south. But I'm already prepared for the weirdness tonight, so no problem. I do wish I had this shirt to wear tonight though:
Not that any of the Baptists would get it. Catholics would, because like Jews they are very wise in the ways of the guilt. I always say the only difference is Jews are born with it and Catholics have to go to school to learn it - ZING! I crack myself up.

We'll probably join them at church on Sunday as well to celebrate Easter. I gots to have all my bases covered, yanno? Plus I've always loved Easter. Which side are you on as far as Cadbury vs. Reese eggs? For me it's Reese's all the way. (I'm sure Heather will pick Cadbury because she likes being ornery that way with me, hee hee!)What the F is up with that yellow shit in the middle of the Cadbury? I know it's supposed to be yolk, but EWWWW. And if the white stuff is marshmellow, well then I hate marshmellow so there you go. Sister developed a little problem with Peeps a few years back and I'm not sure if she's yet to be able to be in the same room with them again without gagging, but again no marshmellow for me. I will roast them and hand them to you all day long but I refuse to put a black charred sticky sugar blob in my mouth hole ever. They are acceptable in Rice Krispie treats and that is all.

And for now, that IS all.


Taoist Biker said...

With a gun to my head, I'd take the Reese's. But if you buried me in a hot tub full of either, I'd be one happy muhfugga.

(BTW, I also have a one-syllable nickname that is two syllables amongst my family. The first time I met a Yank who pronounced my name in one syllable I was like, "Huh? Why you talkin' out your nose like that?" Heh.)

Anonymous said...

I do NOT like those Cadbury eggs. They make me nauseous. You know I love peanut butter anything. :D

Know how I learned there were tribes in Israel? From Christopher Moore. The 12 apostles were chosen from disciples so there'd be one for each tribe of Israel. Heh! And I learned it all from 'Lamb; The Gospel According To Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal'. How accurate that is would be anoyone's guess as Mr. Moore takes literary license now and again. ;)

Kim said...

TB - The funny part is, they pronounce Brian's name with ONE syllable, so that it comes out "Brine". Crazy southerners.

Heather - I swear you've got to read Tom Robbins someday; Mr. Moore and he could be literary twins! And I do believe he's talked about the tribes as well, but I wasn't paying close attention.

Anonymous said...

Next to bite size Snickers...those cups of peanut butter goodness would be my favorite candy on the planet.

Since I have kicking Mt. Dew, and all other soda, pops...or whatever you call it in your part of the world...I am trying not to substitute any of these things for the Dew.

Kim said...

MTAE - I love bite size Snickers too. And here most people call any kind of soda a "Coke," for mysterious reasons and I call it soda when talking about other people and crack when talking about myself because one could say I have a small (huge) soda addiction.

Anonymous said...

Reese's eggs, all the way. The Cadbury Cream Eggs, the stuff inside? Seems kinda... dirty.

The bacon vs. ham thing made me snort.

Anonymous said...

We drink 'pop' in these parts. Although I DO catch myself saying 'soda' now and then as a carry over from living out west. People look at me like I ain't from around here when I do though. ;)

Kim said...

Snerk - That weird stuff DOES seem dirty! At least that's how it makes me feel, although that shit hasn't passed my lips since before I knew what a blow job was, so I really couldn't tell you anymore.

Heather - My friend Amy from Ohio called it "pop." That makes me laugh! (It just sounds so innocent, like something from Leave it to Beaver)

crisitunity said...

I agree with you about "pop". The guys on MST3K always say "pop" instead of "soda" (or just "coke" which you mentioned, which is how I grew up) and I always think they sound silly.

CADBURY EGGS 4-EVA. Of course I haven't eaten one in a few years and I think at this point I'd spit it out for being obscenely sweet and fatty, but I'm just not a peanut butter gal.

Kim said...

Cris - Ugh, Cadbury. Yeah if you haven't eaten them in years I would think it would be a nasty shock to your system!

Anonymous said...

I loathe Cadbury's creme eggs- WAY too sweet. We don't have Reese's here.

Can't really comment on the rest of this post, as the random "person wot doesn't live in the States"- where's Joey when I need him?! :D

Julie said...

Very funny post and I'm looking forward to hearing about the events of this evening.

Also, I love Cadbury eggs and Peeps. They make the Cadbury eggs in caramel now. Maybe you should give those a try.

Anonymous said...

Yes, well, we're all very silly in these Midwestern parts as well.

I have never been exactly sure what the difference in speaking either the first word or the second word in shortening the term soda-pop is...anyone know?

Swistle said...

I celebrate diversity and eat plenty of both Cadbury Creme eggs AND Reese's Peanut Butter eggs. AND those little Hershey eggs that are like fat M&Ms, and the Cadbury version of the same thing.

Swistle said...

Also, I love that she can't seem to understand that you CAN eat pig products---and yet she goes ahead and not only makes pig as the main dish but also adds it unnecessarily (though probably deliciously) to a side dish. What else, green beans with bacos? And maybe a little sweet-and-sour pork? Oh dear, I DO hope you can eat this pie I made for dessert: I used pig fat in the crust!

Kim said...

Suzy - Joey's on vacation, damn him!

Julie - I do so love caramel, but I wonder if I've been scarred too badly to even try them. I think it's the SIZE of them that freak me out too!

Heather - That's an interesting question I wish I knew the answer to. I love words.

Swistle - DAD-GUM YOU MAKE ME LAUGH! And yes, if there is an opportunity in the south to make a healthy food unhealthy, they will jump at the chance (see any Paula Deen cookbook). These people make vegetables fattening!


Cadbury is okayyy...I'm just a simple supermarket Kit-Kat gal...then I covered them in $150 shaven I said, I'm just a simple girl!


Taoist Biker said...

Y'all know that this whole soda/pop/Coke thing is subject to serious scholarly inquiry, doncha?

Go look at the map ferfuxake.


Anonymous said...

TB, that map is all fine and good, but it doesn't answer my smarty-pants question, ferfuxake.

The original term was soda-pop, yes? What the hell difference does it make if someone says "soda" or "pop" to shorten it. Hmm?

I order a "coke" at restaraunts, even when I know full well the ones that serve icky Pepsi swill. It's just my habit to order "coke". But when I'm picking up beverages at the grocery store or getting something out of the vending machine I'm selecting a can of "pop".

Strange, I know. Still fun to dissect. :)