Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Bullets

Because I can't seem to string enough coherent thoughts together to equal a paragraph at the moment:
  • This psycho girl who kind of stalked us (me in particular, but I think she had a little thingy for Brian as well) for awhile a decade ago just found me on Facebook.

  • The other night after watching a re-run episode from the first season of Sopranos, I realized for the first time Tony wasn't actually a mob boss at the very beginning. It fairly blew my mind.

  • According to my book journal, I've been on a bad run recently and have read four mediocre to downright shitty books in a row. Life is too short for bad books and I'm not leaving the library today without one that is guaranteed I'll like. I mean it.

  • Even though it's a week away before I find out, I'm positive I'm not pregnant. I can't really explain how I know this, except that I know it.

  • Brian was having a stupid conversation with some friend of Mr. Redneck the other day, and the guy told him,"Spanish is the same language as Latin, dude," in a tone of voice that suggested Brian was the dumbass. Brian couldn't let it pass and started to say, "Well no; most languages derive from Latin..." and the guy said, I don't know what you're talkin' about, man - I DERIVE a Ford."

  • The inlaws had a good time in Hawaii except for the time when George was too cheap to buy Iris a new mask for snorkeling and made her try on a child sized one he'd found in their shed and brought from home and it hurt her head so much, she's still feeling painful after-effects a week later. Memo to George: STOP BEING A JEW. IF YOU CAN AFFORD A WEEK IN MAUI, YOU CAN AFFORD A NEW MASK FOR YOUR WIFE OF TWENTY-FIVE YEARS.

  • The weather has turned weirdly cold again and of course I've loved every chilly, windy minute of it, for soon enough it will be The Season of My Discontent...

  • ...Which reminds me. My boss, the one with all the advanced degrees, sent out a poll the other day wanting our opinions (and votes, apparently) as to whether or not we'd like to hold our next quarterly division meeting - the one happening in August - outside. I was the first to respond with, "I try my best not to go outside unless absolutely necessary during the month of August, so my vote would be NO." And then everyone else followed suit, albeit a little more politely. Hi, are you new here? No, you're not. You've lived here for a few years now; maybe you haven't noticed? Let me explain it to you in a way even a PhD can understand: Columbia, South Carolina in August is generally greater than or equal to taking a dip in a river of lava in Hell's own amusement park. While wearing a poly/wool blend.

  • Duh.

  • I'm counting the hours until the new episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey tonight. I feel fine admitting that.

8 comments:

Kim said...

Oooh, how did my bullets get to be so fancy? I didn't do that on purpose!

Taoist Biker said...

Flowers bloom at your touch, obviously. Check to see if rainbows are coming out of your ass.

"I derive a Ford." BWAHAHAHAH!

I was in Columbia once, over my college spring break in March, and I was kicking myself for not packing shorts. It was in the mid-80s.

DC tonight, woo!

iamheatherjo said...

I derive a Ford too!

Jeebus...

You know you wanna be outside in August! C'mon! You're just bein' obstinate (which I always admire in others as long as it's not directed at ME). ;)

LL Cool Joe said...

For somene who couldn't "string enough coherent thoughts together to equal a paragraph" you did pretty well!

That story of the ill fitting mask made me crack up. I've worn ill fitting caps, and shit do they make you feel ill after a while!

Just so you know, my dashboard isn't showing updated blogs for some reason. Yours was one of them, and I have the feeling, mine as well!

So sorry for the delay in reading your post.

crisitunity said...

I derive a Saturn.

I love it, LOVE IT, when thoroughly ignorant people bullhorn their correctness in all things over intelligent people like your husband.

LOVE IT.

PS: I am as stupid as your boss because I am deliberately visiting Florida in July.

morethananelectrician said...

* Have watch Sopranos in the past year and a half...it is still all fresh in my mind.

* I have learned that women know things about their insides before any medical professional.

* I am embarrassed to admit that I sat through an episode of that NJ show last night...I was upstairs early trying to get "some"...she fell alseep and I watched a dumb show.

kat said...

What the hell do you mean "don't be a jew"? You make fun of other people swimming in the ignorant pond and then just wade right in yourself.

Kim said...

Kat - What does "ignorant" mean? I don't understand big words like that.