Friday, May 15, 2009

Don't look at me like that

Holy hot dogs, am I glad the weekend is here. I could complain about what a shittastic week I had at work, but that wouldn't do anybody any good, so you are formally spared. (You're welcome) Sometimes it's good to take a little break from reality, so with that in mind...

Like a lot of people, I think, a big part of my life is lived in my head. I have friends (no, really!) and family and a husband I live with, but sometimes a good part of my day is spent imagining I'm existing in a different sort of way. Not as a different person, per se, just me and my life, only better. Does anyone else do this or did I just admit something really sad and embarrassing? Oh well; I've admitted worse.

For example: I live in a quirky little house in a decent neighborhood. Nothing fancy by any means, but perfectly acceptable. I live in South Carolina and work at the University of. But in my head, I live in a bigger (but not huge - who needs all that extra house cleaning?) nicer house on the lake (I usually picture Brian's dad's house, where the picture at the top of my blog was taken) and still work for the University, only in a more exciting, better paying position (okay, I'll be honest here - as a tenured professor in the English department, where my office not only has a door, but also is full of book shelves that line every wall and maybe includes an original Van Gogh and a ficus tree. Why not. In real life I drive an 8-year-old Saturn SC1, so in my head I drive a cute newish Saturn Vue. Or if I'm feeling frisky, it's a Honda CRV or a Ford Escape - any small SUV will do. But I'm not fantasizing about a Mercedes is my point. Keeping it real is key.

That's the gist of it and it's pretty much as far as it goes, because if it was too different from my real life it would just be silly (Ha!). Such as, I don't fantasize about being a mother, because at this point that still seems too far out of reach and different. Of course I still wish to be a mother; I just don't daydream about it. That might be a little confusing, but stay with me here. Another example: I don't fantasize about having a good relationship with my mom, because sadly that too is really far-fetched and I wouldn't even begin to know how to dream that. But maybe I'm happy enough in my fantasy life, some of it rubs off on her, and we do have a better relationship...I don't know; I've never bothered to put any thought into that.

But here's the weird part. I've done this for a very long time - it probably dates back to when I was a kid. Actually I know it does, because Sister and I used to have this thing where we'd ride around on a golf cart, or hit a tennis ball back and forth or go to sleep in the same room at night and we told each other our "stories," (So actually, I know at least one other person in the world does this - sorry to rat you out, Sister!) and that lasted far into our late teenage years. By the time we were in high school, we'd entertain each other with stories of our escapades as Jon Bon Jovi's and Richie Sambora's girlfriends - I'm the oldest so of course I got to have Jon - and it was just as much fun sharing as it is having these thoughts by myself. But I guess my "stories," have gotten more realistic as time has passed. The weird thing is though, many of the things I've conjured in my weirdo head have come true. In order to maybe preserve a small shred of dignity I won't go into detail, but trust me, it's true.

I don't know if this falls under the category of the Power of Positive Thinking, or just Being a Psycho, but I do know thinking good thoughts doesn't hurt. So take note - if I ever write about how we're moving into his dad's house out at the lake, remember: you heard it here first.


crisitunity said...

I hate to go all yoga on you here, but I believe that visualizing the life you want really does take you further towards it. I'm pleased that you've managed to effect some change this way.

I am also a realistic dreamer. It's a quality I like in myself and others; it means we're not greedy.

Anonymous said...

It doesn't take much to make me happy. To quote Otis P. Driftwood in 'The Devil's Rejects': "I set my standards pretty low, so I'm never disappointed."

He makes me giggle.

So do you.

Shari said...

I do the same thing, but I call it daydreaming. Sometimes it's just making up stories, like browsing through Coastal Living and imagining my other life, and sometimes it's more applied, like setting a goal for something and then imaging it to reality. Yes, this would be pretty psycho, except it friggin' works. Not all the time, but enough to make me a believer. I guess you could call me a Daydream Believer! (I love The Monkeys. Sadly, all of my "stories" about Davey Jones never came true.) I hope you get your house on the lake.

Shari said...

I just had to add, the only problem with this is sometimes I get into a funk, and start making up terrible, fearful stories that I have to shake off as quick as I can.

Kim said...

Oh, I have plenty of scary stories too - I wish there was a way to prevent this.

Anonymous said...

I think it's totally normal and I do it all the time! :) There's a house I'd REALLY love to own one day, it's a ruin at the moment but sometimes I dream that it's mine and I somehow have the vast amount of money it would take to do it up... :D

That's about the least embarrasing thing I think about. Some things should remain sacred, kwim? :D

LL Cool Joe said...

I used to, but now I live that life. My partner runs a tv company, so we aren't short of money, but now I have the life I dreamt about having I'm kind of longing for something else so my dreams have just changed I think.

Seems I'm never satisfied. :/

Anonymous said...

AS much as I complain about crap, I have already exceeded (at 38) where I imagine being in my life. I guess it might be kind of weird...I guess it is the one advantage of growing up the way I did. Even then, I didn't spend a lot of time imagine where I would be at this point in my life.