Right as Brian was running around yesterday getting ready to leave, I went to the bathroom and saw that my period was in the process of arriving. The scary part was the almost absolute emotionless reaction I had. Considering I didn't once for a minute believe I was pregnant this time, I guess it's not too surprising. I could tell he felt bad but I didn't want to make a big scene right before he left to drive two hours to see family, so I didn't. After he left though, and it started raining and I went to the bathroom again just to confirm what was true, I thought, Wow, I wonder if this day could this day suck any more? No, I don't think it could. Then I accidentally rammed my toe into the cabinet under the bathroom sink and thought, Ahh, yes.
I half-assed started cleaning up, but my heart wasn't in it anymore. Which now that I think about it, I actually was reacting to getting my fucking period; I just wasn't really allowing myself to acknowledge it too much. But when I woke up from a three hour nap, I was ready for the pity party to be done with. Each of the last two times this has happened, all I wanted was to be left alone for the day and hey, here I was. I spent the rest of the day doing laundry, reading, making potato salad in honor of it being a cook-out holiday and renting a non-Brian movie off of PPV, Rachel Getting Married, which was good and worth the $3.99.
Today I'm one of a small skeleton crew here at work, which is a good mix of being out of the house and also somewhat left alone. It hasn't been the kickoff to Summer celebration weekend for me that it is for most people, but this has never been a significant holiday for me anyway, so it's fine. I'm thankful to all our vets, but I live with a man who watches the History Channel a lot and get plenty of opportunities to be thankful and cry for them.
The highlight so far has been my cousin Scott emailing to let me know there's a Land of the Lost marathon on the SciFi channel today and he's ecstatically introducing his older daughter to what used to be our favorite show when we were her age. I'm looking forward to watching a couple of episodes when I get home and I'm damn sure going to see the movie when it comes out, even though I know it'll be nothing like the show. Scott and I used to "play" Land of the Lost and the most fun part was always going over the waterfall. Now it's being described as a "cult classic," so I doubt anyone knows what the hell I'm even talking about so I'll stop.
I'm looking forward to Brian coming home this afternoon. I did fine without him, what with avoiding getting murdered in the shower while home alone and all, but yeah, life is much more fun with him around. I don't know what's next on the baby agenda, but I'm finding it difficult to care right now. Life goes on and it's still better than the alternative.
Whoa, can you FEEL the ennui?
I'm fine. Really.