Heather and I were having an email discussion earlier, as we do, and she was talking about what an annoying time she had at the zoo the other day. On what should've been a little mid-week fun treat, she nearly had the entire experience ruined for her because of a buttload of asshole parents and their unruly spawn. Luckily Heather isn't the type to sugarcoat and she knows that even though I'm praying daily to become a mother, she can always be honest about things like annoying kids.
I can't stand annoying kids. Especially in large groups. They're the reason we don't go to the state fair anymore. They're part of the reason we don't go to many movies anymore (stupid ticket prices notwithstanding). Heather made me promise not to lose I.Q. points if I become a parent. And I did promise that, but I forgot to add that it's because I can't afford to lose anymore, having already lost a significant amount just by living in the South.
I (and forgive me this term; I hate it) read plenty of "Mommyblogs." Not because these women are mothers; most of them I started reading before they had kids. Now they're stuck with that label (I guess that would make this a Wannabemommy Blog?) and I will say there are a few who seem to have this sort of condescending tone now that they've given birth. Like they're part of a special club (well, they kind of are) where if you read between the lines you can see them shaking their heads at your trivial silly little life, saying "Oh, I remember the days before I had kids; what do you DO with all your free time?" Well, sometimes I fantasize about slapping you and the rest of the time I sleep. Of course not all of them are like that; as the mother of five, count 'em, FIVE little people, Swistle is the mother of all mothers, yet I don't consider her just a Mommyblogger. Yes, she talks about her kids (who wouldn't?), but never in that sugary, fakey way that makes me throw up in my mouth. She's REAL, yo. Unless she has me totally fooled and is secretly laughing at me. But I don't think so.
I've seen firsthand what motherhood can do to fairly normal women. A few of my friends had kids shortly after high school or soon into our 20's and I was shocked at how weird they became. I was so scared then thankful when Grace had Elizabeth that she didn't turn into some Stepford pod person. Not only did her having a kid not change or ruin our friendship, it added to it by a tonfold (new word) by giving me a new little version of Grace to love. Then my sister went ahead and furthered the proof when she had my niece two years ago. Sister is still Sister, only now she comes with Mini-Sister:
I guess what it boils down to is I can't stand fake people, and what I've been talking about is just one more way people can be fake. And I'm pretty much the opposite of this - I wouldn't know how to do it if you paid me. Should motherhood happen to me, I know I'll be the same neurotic (with all new things to worry about!), moody, loving, socially retarded, sometimes amusing person I am now.
Have a nice long weekend if you have Monday off; if you don't, write me - I'll be at work too.