A Farewell Poem

Was bored this morning and feeling quite blue
Asked myself, now what the heck should I do?
You could go pick out new things to buy,
Your roots are showing; could sure use some dye
This house isn't going to clean itself
Plenty of books sitting up on that shelf
Then a great idea popped into my head
And no, I didn't go back to bed
I'll change up the blog, that's sure to be fun
And so good-bye Blogger; you and I are done
But there's no reason to shed any tears,
My spiffy new place is right over HERE
So come on y'all and don't be shy;
Click on over and come say hi!

Not much longer

For the past week or so I've been looking for other websites on which I might start a separate blog. A little overkill right, especially considering I already have another blog I keep for some reason still on Myspace. But it'll make more sense when I tell you why - I need someplace else to write about every tiny detail of this in vitro thing so you guys and gals here aren't bored to tears. I know personally listening to someone else discuss something that has no relevance to my life can get pretty, well, tedious, and I really appreciate all the support I've gotten here so far so I don't want to push my luck. And thank you, by the way, for your patience thus far. Typically it's only close friends who have to listen to details like my bowel movements and when my period starts, but through the magic of blogging, I get to share that with the whole world! What a splendid time we live in.

What I've found is there are a GAZILLION different mother-type sites to choose from and I have no idea yet which one I'm going to use. It's kind of overwhelming really. But I know it'll be worth it. Just from writing about it here a few people have already contacted me saying yes, they understand what I'm going through because they went through something similar or even something exactly like what I'm doing. It's very reassuring talking to people who have "been there, done that, bought the onesie."

But since I don't have one yet, I need to give one quick little update here. It's either that or suffer my head exploding and I don't want to do that because I know Brian would wait a few days before cleaning up the mess. So I'll try to make it as brief as possible ("Hey, that would be a first!") I heard that) and do it in timeline form. Or bullet points? Whatever, Jesus - get on with it; I thought this was supposed to be quick.

~ Start period today or tomorrow (judging from these gut-ripping cramps, shouldn't be too much longer)

~ If I start today, Sunday morning (at 8:00, wtf!) go in for some tests (thyroid, Rubella and pregnancy) and an ultrasound. Rubella has something to do with the measles; that's all I know. All this is to ascertain I'm not already pregnant because if I was, it wouldn't be good to start taking fertility drugs on top of that. I will also get a "medication lesson" (their words) to learn how to inject myself. I knew I should've been paying closer attention when I dated that junkie; it could've saved me a lot of time now. If I don't start my period until tomorrow, this whole procedure will be the same except it'll happen on Monday.

~ Whatever day the testing occurs, again I don't know yet if it will be Sunday or Monday but I wish this period would hurry up and get its FLOW ON, if you know what I mean and I think you do, that night I'll start popping fertility pills. Well, one pill anyway. This will go on for the next five days, with more drugs getting added into the mix, including the one that has to be shot up. Which reminds me. Brian will have to be present for the "medication lesson" because we've already decided he's going to be the one who shoots me up. And by "we've" I mean "me." Are you kidding me? There's no way in hell I'm doing that to myself. Lucky him.

~ After a week of all this rampant drug use, I go back in next weekend to get yet another ultrasound (I will be the consummate authority on ultrasounds for empty uteruses when all this is said and done) to determine how my follicles look. For those of you who don't know and/or cared, the follicles are what hold the eggs. I never knew that; I always thought all I needed follicles for was so my hair could grow out of my head. If they're not up to speed, I get to take drugs for a few more days. If they're TOO up to speed, like going gangbusters and shit, I could turn into the next 20/20 story by giving birth to an entire basketball team.

An aside: Let's hope that's not the case because the options for what to do should that occur are all fairly ball-shriveling scary. In fact, we discussed them a little last night while making dinner and couldn't come up with one scenario either one of us was comfortable with. In a seriously unusual moment for him, Brian said, I guess if it comes to that we'll just have to pray about it. I said Yeah, that's a good idea. That's exactly what Jon and Kate did. I'm not positive, but I think he lost all color in his face and slowly slid to the kitchen floor. But really, that situation is highly unlikely. After all, I'm old, remember? And it's not like I've been Fertile Myrtle throughout my life either. Though I realize that's what these drugs are for. But still, I don't see it happening. It's NOT going to happen, so let's move on, shall we?

~ So. If the follicles are normal, here's what will happen. I will take yet another drug to induce ovulation and The VERY NEXT DAY, I'll receive my first interuteral insemination (IUI for short). Meaning all this long-ass description was to say in the next ten or eleven days I could potentially become knocked the hell up. I'll repeat what I wrote in an email to Heather: "I have two words for that. HOLY SHITBALLS."

Now obviously if you'd been paying attention, there are a few variables that might mean things could be delayed by a few days. But either way I look at it, the next couple of weeks are going to be intense. If you're thinking to yourself, Wow - she sure has her hopes dangerously up, you would be correct, sir. I know I shouldn't be popping the cork on the non-alcholic sparkling grape juice just yet, but I can't help it. This dream has been a LONG TIME coming and it's getting really close to possibly being realized. I can't help but be screamingly excited.

Though like I said, I'm actively seeking another outlet to write all this stuff because I care about you and your mental wellbeing and I don't want to lose my bloggy friends on account of All Baby All The Time! Hell, it's not even that yet; more like All Fetus All The Time! Which is even less interesting, as if that were possible. So, thanks again for bearing with me up to now and if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go to the bathroom for the fourth time this morning, do another investiagtional swipe and wipe.

Milestone

I just realized something.
My 200th post here was about me going to a dildo party.
I'm thinking: Appropriate.