I'm not sure if this is a real phenomenon or just one more quirk that makes up this bizarre and sometimes frightening brain of mine. I've never really put any time into researching it or finding validation in other people feeling this and I'm not sure if I'll be able to describe it adequately, but I'm going to give it a go anyway.
It's this feeling I get most every Sunday afternoon. It doesn't matter what time of year it is, what the weather is like or even what's going on in my life at the time. It's sort of a dread/anxiety mix that can go from minor and in the back of my mind to full-blown panic and I never know which one it'll be until the magical time of the week arrives.
There are factors that contribute to how bad it's going to be though; I've recognized that over the years. If I happen to be in a job I hate, which luckily hasn't happened in a very long time, the reason is obvious. I hate the job and Monday morning is merely a night's sleep away, so therefore there is dread about going to someplace I hate in the morning. There have been times over the years where we've struggled financially and I know the week is going to be a challenge of figuring out how we're going to stretch macaroni and cheese, a loaf of bread and a can of corn for five days in a row. I understand that could have definitely added to it, though luckily too it's been awhile since things were that bleak. So okay, work and money - pretty straitforward.
My sister suffers from this as well and we've tried to analyze it together. Her theory is that it probably dates back to school days when Sunday nights meant finishing up homework or studying for a big hairy test that we'd probably put off doing until the last minute. Getting bad grades was not an option for us, so I can buy that. And whether you're in school or at a job (assuming it's a Monday through Friday gig like I've almost always had), the end of the weekend generally means the end of your free time and fun for another five days. Friday afternoon never looks as far away as it does on this night.
But since I'm not dead broke or in a hateful job these days, why does the feeling still get me week after week? Things are really good at the moment. I'm pretty darn happy, dare I say even giddy at times. I took some work home with me this weekend and finished it, thereby getting myself a little ahead of the game for tomorrow. I've had a good and relaxing weekend, productive and fun.
Yet as we were riding home this afternoon, I looked out at the gray and brown sky and landscape and felt that old familiar feeling start coming on. Every bad, sad and negative thought I can dredge comes bubbling up. It starts late afternoon and lasts through dinner time and into all the nighttime activities: TV, shower (with refreshing Dove yellow grapefruit soap!), reading. If I am going to suffer a shitty night's sleep, odds are really good it's going to happen on Sunday night. Which is also why this night is when I'm most likely to medicate myself to sleep.
Then Monday comes and nothing is ever as bad as I'd imagined it. Never. And I know this, so why do I suffer from this weird short-lived, once-a-week-like-clockwork depression? More importantly, is there something I can do about it? I'd certainly be interested in hearing thoughts.