Thursday, March 5, 2009


Oh, excuse me.
My stomach feels weird; kind of like I've been invaded by 112 million sperm.
I mean, Brian's pretty pleased with himself since the doctor told us TEN million is a good "normal" count, but I'm a little freaked out by that number. That's a lot of swimmers! My favorite text of the day was from my friend Kristen who just wrote, "Swim little bitches, swim!" (Insert Finding Nemo song here; I just can't remember it right now). Luckily I only have the two little Lolly and Ollie Follies, so I don't have to worry about becoming a freak of nature (moreso than I already am) and giving birth to a continent. Brian's take on the whole thing was, "Damn, all I have to do is jerk off a few more times and I could populate New York City." Disturbing.

Other than that, everything is cool. His mom came with us and when he got called in for his date with his hand (this has to happen first, obviously) his mom said to me, "I didn't know what to say to him; should I have wished him good luck?" That was cute. But I told her it was probably for the best she didn't say anything to him. And lucky for him, this time materials were provided to help things along. In the Columbia office, they were not and I thought that was a rip-off for how much money we're paying. You can't invest some of that into a small but effective magazine collection? This place even had a widescreen TV and dvd's available! But Brian said all he could picture was turning the TV on, putting the dvd in and the volume being up really loud, allowing the whole office, including his mother, to hear. He just kept it simple and stuck (haha, ewww!) to the magazines.

My part of the procedure took less than five minutes - insert sperm, tilt pelvis up for fifteen minutes, get dressed and go. As the doctor was finishing up, he said, "Congratulations; you're pregnant," which I know was just some positive vibe thing and I appreciated it, but yes it will be a full two weeks (from tomorrow) before I'll know for sure. I'm not going to cheat either. Getting a false result on something like this would not be fun. Remind me I said this in about a week.

An unpleasant surprise was when Nurse Monique (who Brian thought was hot and I think looks exactly like our friend Shari - yes, hot) went over the instructions with us and told me ix-nay the caffene. For a few weeks, anyway. God-dang-it, because I haven't given up everything else already!?! But yes - I'm going to the store and I'm going to experiement with decaf and flavored creamers on the advice of coffee guru Johnann. I think her theory of disguising the taste (or lack thereof) with the creamer and sugar (I'm NOT giving up the sugar) (Unless they tell me to), I'll be okay with it. Preparing now for major headache tomorrow morning when my body realizes it missed it's morning dose of go-go juice.

In the meantime, Hot Nurse told me to take it easy the rest of today and that intercourse tonight could only help things along. Noted and will take under advisement.

But how many more millions do we actually need, really?

Thank you guys again for giving a fart. You make me feel all mushy and stuff. Then again that could be the leftover lube. But still. I love you all.


iamheatherjo said...

I'm glad you're home and Tom Petty wasn't kidding when he said the waiting is the hardest part. He wrote it when he broke his hand being stupid and was waiting to play guitar again know. ;)

I'm excited and hopeful for you both. EEEEE!!!

crisitunity said...

You seem very much calmer than the last time. I'm glad. And I really did think about you at 11:30!

Mushy = leftover lube = I snorted.

Kim said...

Heather - I DID NOT know that's what the song was about! And I have loved that man for a very long time.

Cris - I knew I'd be calmer today; I'm always like that - the big freakout, then better by the time the day arrives. It's weird, but that's me.

Swistle said...


Kim said...

Swistle - Me too! There are a lot of baby pictures on the wall at the fertility place and many of those were twins. One would be amazing, two would be double amazing.

shmode said...

'Leftover LUBE'?! *snort*

I am giddy at the possibilities! Here's hoping 2 weeks fly by for you and that decaf satisfies the taste!

Kim said...

Schmode - The two weeks would go a lot faster WITH CAFFIENE!!!

jadesymb said...

I HATE the 2 week wait.

On the bright side, I drink decaf tea now, and I can't tell it apart from the other stuff.


Good Luck!

Taoist Biker said...

I finally kicked the caffeine, I think. But holy shit was that a shitty couple of weeks...and I was only drinking Coke, not coffee. Ugh.

Add me to the "lube - snort!" list. :D

Crossing my fingers for ya. A few toes to boot. And I'm hoping Brian got an insurance bonin' or three, just out of brotherly solidarity and all that...

Julie said...

I just got back from my 5 minute date with doner #kk53. I'm off caffeine, and not liking it, and I have to be honest - I'm not feelin' it this month.

Unlike you, I'm not hoping for two. Just the one, please...

Kim said...

Jades - This next two weeks can kiss my ass.

TB - I remember your caffeine kick now; I'm not convinced I'll be able to really kick it. I'm really not. My body is going to go into shock soon from all the purety.

Julie - For some reason I thought we were the same day; good luck to you; I hope your results are what you want!

snerkology said...

Hee! You crack me up. "Stuck to the magazines." BWA!

We're all going to be a basket case right along with you, for the next two weeks! xo

Kim said...

Snerk - If I could go somewhere else to make the time go by faster, I would. I know you have two guest bedrooms now. I'm just sayin'.

Julie said...

I was supposed to be yesterday, but they pushed me another day to get a bigger follie. I'm going in for a second IUI tomorrow. They do a two day at my clinic.

I think the no caffeine is harder then the two week wait. I have a raging headache right now!

I'm glad I know somebody else who is dealing with it! You know, misery loves company!!!

Shari said...

I almost worked myself up into a full-blown panic attack while waiting for 5 minutes on the phone for my mammogram results today. I don't know how you will get through...just keep breathing. That's the Nemo song, BTW, just keep swimming, just keep swimming...Thanks for the shout out about the hot nurse thing, especially today when I am feeling PMSy and particularly schlubby. And if you weren't talking about me, and it was some other Shari, that's just friggin' GREAT.

Kim said...

No, it was you - the only other Sheri I know is Sheri with an "E" sadly she is nowhere near hot.
This nurse could be your twin.
But she never remembers me, which is irritating. Oh well, that just means the fertility business is thriving in their office because they're SO SUCCESSFUL!

dyskinesia said...

Wow, have had a couple of screwed up days where I can't get beyond my own face (timing, I know!!), but I've been thinking of you guys nonstop! 112 mill, holy crap!!

And seriously, this could be the best post ever -- I snorted hard and often! ;)

suzy2110 said...

I am so late to the parade that I am nearly too embarrassed to post at all, but I wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about you often and have EVERYTHING crossed for you. ((hugs))

Kim said...

Suzy - NO! Never too late and thank you!