Oh, excuse me.
My stomach feels weird; kind of like I've been invaded by 112 million sperm.
WHAT THE HELL!
I mean, Brian's pretty pleased with himself since the doctor told us TEN million is a good "normal" count, but I'm a little freaked out by that number. That's a lot of swimmers! My favorite text of the day was from my friend Kristen who just wrote, "Swim little bitches, swim!" (Insert Finding Nemo song here; I just can't remember it right now). Luckily I only have the two little Lolly and Ollie Follies, so I don't have to worry about becoming a freak of nature (moreso than I already am) and giving birth to a continent. Brian's take on the whole thing was, "Damn, all I have to do is jerk off a few more times and I could populate New York City." Disturbing.
Other than that, everything is cool. His mom came with us and when he got called in for his date with his hand (this has to happen first, obviously) his mom said to me, "I didn't know what to say to him; should I have wished him good luck?" That was cute. But I told her it was probably for the best she didn't say anything to him. And lucky for him, this time materials were provided to help things along. In the Columbia office, they were not and I thought that was a rip-off for how much money we're paying. You can't invest some of that into a small but effective magazine collection? This place even had a widescreen TV and dvd's available! But Brian said all he could picture was turning the TV on, putting the dvd in and the volume being up really loud, allowing the whole office, including his mother, to hear. He just kept it simple and stuck (haha, ewww!) to the magazines.
My part of the procedure took less than five minutes - insert sperm, tilt pelvis up for fifteen minutes, get dressed and go. As the doctor was finishing up, he said, "Congratulations; you're pregnant," which I know was just some positive vibe thing and I appreciated it, but yes it will be a full two weeks (from tomorrow) before I'll know for sure. I'm not going to cheat either. Getting a false result on something like this would not be fun. Remind me I said this in about a week.
An unpleasant surprise was when Nurse Monique (who Brian thought was hot and I think looks exactly like our friend Shari - yes, hot) went over the instructions with us and told me ix-nay the caffene. For a few weeks, anyway. God-dang-it, because I haven't given up everything else already!?! But yes - I'm going to the store and I'm going to experiement with decaf and flavored creamers on the advice of coffee guru Johnann. I think her theory of disguising the taste (or lack thereof) with the creamer and sugar (I'm NOT giving up the sugar) (Unless they tell me to), I'll be okay with it. Preparing now for major headache tomorrow morning when my body realizes it missed it's morning dose of go-go juice.
In the meantime, Hot Nurse told me to take it easy the rest of today and that intercourse tonight could only help things along. Noted and will take under advisement.
But how many more millions do we actually need, really?
Thank you guys again for giving a fart. You make me feel all mushy and stuff. Then again that could be the leftover lube. But still. I love you all.