Sunday, March 1, 2009


You know, it was mornings like this one that make me wish I was still smoking cigarettes. Or crack, whichever.

Shortly after I wrote that last semi-hysterical post, I decided to calm down and try to be mature about the whole thing. I called the doctor's office and left a message. Then I hit redial non-stop for twenty minutes until I reached a human, who happened to be the on-call nurse, since of course everyone in both the Columbia and Charleston offices had already left at noon like I knew they would.

The nurse interrupted my ranting about the doctor to tell me No no, it was all her fault. She'd thought she had already called me back but OOPSIE, apparently hadn't. Pam? (That's her name, On-call Nurse Pam.) Have you been dipping into the office Rx candy jar a little too heavily? I've given customers, clients and vendors a lot of excuses in my time, but admitting I THOUGHT I called but DIDN'T has never been one of them. But I was so relieved to finally be speaking to a human, I didn't even bitch at her, which now looking back on it, sort of sucks. Either way, she finally told me the good and not-so-good news.

The Good - I had not one, like Dr. Personality had told me, but two good follicles. This is very good. When I told them I thought it was supposed to be three to five like they'd told me a few days ago, she told me no; the perfect numbers were two to four. These two offices really need to get together and have a meeting regarding telling the patients the same information. But whatever; good number, yay!

The Not-so-good - They're still a little too small, so I have two more days of Follistim shots, then go back in Tuesday for yet another ultrasound, at which time they should be big enough to do their job. I'll most likely have to shoot up the ovulation-inducing drugs at that point and then either Thursday or Friday make the trip south to at long last get the IUI done. Just a few days later than what I'd been thinking it would be.

And I'm fine with that, I really am. These last two months have been a test of my patience and fortitude and I think I've passed with flying colors. I'm one of those people who likes to write in the little calendar squares for upcoming events that are scheduled months ahead of time. I like to have count-downs. I like to look forward to things and know when they're going to happen. All this vagueness with these dates had the potential to tip me right over the edge, but it really didn't get bad until the last few days, so I'm proud of myself for not losing my shit until today.

Of course, the real waiting hasn't even started yet, so this little glitch today was sort of a joke. Because of course you know (of course you do) that after the IUI is done, I have to wait another two weeks before being allowed to take a pregnancy test. Two. Weeks. Which is, what, like the third week in March? And then, God forbid that one doesn't take, all these fun times start all over again. But I can't even think about that right now or I will get in my car and drive the six miles to go score some street drugs down in the projects.

After I settled down, I went to Walmart (where they did NOT in fact have any firewood, MTAE, but it was only because they'd sold out), bought some comfort food in the form of sour cream & onion Pringles, Breyer's Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream and hard salami, backtracked to Piggly Wiggly for some Duraflame logs (they were out of real wood too; this is what happens when there is the threat of a possible snow flurry in South Carolina), came home and took a long and lovely fireside nap. I was looking forward to waking up to the predicted three to five inches of snow, only to find freezing rain with some flurries thrown in for shits and giggles.

So, whatever. Today was pretty much a pain in the hole and if I could've, I would've punched it right off the calendar. But now I don't have to because it's officially over. And I'm off work tomorrow, so already it's a vast improvement over today.

This might be the hormones talking, but I'm saying it anyway. Being able to talk about all this via this unusual format and getting supportive and loving feedback from people who don't even know me has been the coolest experience. I love you guys and I'm currently looking into using some vacation days in the near future to drive around to all your houses and kiss you all. With tongue. Now that I'm a non-smoker, my breath is really fresh, so think about it and let me know.


Anonymous said...

YOu'll find, if you didn't already know, that the medical profession never gets the "telling the patient the same thing"...ever. It is worse when it comes to kids...the on call nurse will tell you to dose your child this way and someone eight hours later will tell you that you shouldn't give the thing the OTHER told you to do..."That was last year".

It gets very frustrating...and it sounds like you are in a similar place now.

Anonymous said...

Ooooh, smoochies from Kim, I look forward to it!!! :D

Try and take a deep breath- I can't imagine how hard it must be, but it sounds like everything is going in the right direction here. The timeframe is going to be frustrating...why do they not "allow" you to take a pregnancy test before two weeks are up? Maybe to stop you obsessive-compulsing over it like I know I would...

I'm thinking about you lots. My friends that I mentioned apparently didn't do IUI, only IVF, so it's my bad...sorry.

LL Cool Joe said...

Wow sound like you are going through a hell of a lot of crap. I really hope it pays off.

Isn't it amazing how comforting a tube of Pringles are, or is that is? Well you know what I mean? What is it that they put in them to make them so addictive?

Anyway, good luck with the whole process.

Taoist Biker said...

Well, at least hopefully by Thursday all your lovely winter weather will have cleared up so you and your follicles can have a nice pleasant drive together.

cris said...

You had me at "with tongue".

crisitunity said...

Oops. That last one was me.

Anonymous said...

I think the internet gremlins are eating my comments to you. :(


With your food choices it damn near sounds like you're already pregnant. ;)

Kim said...

MTAE - I remember reading your story with the kids and that doctor's office; GRRRR.

Suzy - I think it's because it can give false results up to that point and they know people like me would buy a crate of tests and keep doing it every hour. But still!

LL - I think they sprinkle Pringles with crack dust. We go through a can in two days, which is why I buy two. It's not good.

TB - I've already named them: Lolly and Ollie the follies. Yes, I AM deranged, thank you.

Cris - I'm glad SOMEONE took me up on my offer!

Heather - The scary part is that's a normal grocery run for me. Wonder how bad it'll get when I AM finally pregnant!

Taoist Biker said...

Well, I started to add a comment about the tongue but totally pussed out. Here's what I was gonna say:

"Hmm. I wonder: kiss Dys first so she'll be too distracted to get too pissed off when I get mine? Or, alternatively, me first and then when she starts to wind up kiss her to defuse it? I give up."

This is where I set myself up for Dys to make an excellent comment at my expense, heh.

Kim said...

Yes, I'd be curious to hear what Dys has to say as well! In my defense, I was drugged when I wrote that. Drugged with hormones even!

Anonymous said...

Darn, my first comment went to oblivion.
If you want to come to Canada, by all means, but I'd prefer no tongue please!
Here's hoping you see ripe follicles tomorrow!

dyskinesia said...

My ass, I'm first, and if he's lucky, he'll just get to watch! And then he'll be so distracted that he forgot he was even in line. *flex*

I so totally would have named them too -- and yes, they would have rhymed. Love it! ;)

Kim said...

Shmode - I love Canada! We went to Windsor, Ontario when I was twelve and I remember a friggin' awesome three-story mall and also the best Italian food I've ever had. Weird. And if our economy is headed where I think it's headed, I'm planning on moving up there anyway.

Dys - The *flex* made me pee a little. Okay, a lot.