Tomorrow is my dad's birthday and instead of feeling sad, I'm going to tell a little story. This story was one of my dad's favorites and when we first told it to him, he laughed so hard he blew snot and his glasses fell off. It might not have the same effect on you, but that's okay.
Back in the early 90's, my sister and I were going to college in Tallahassee. We shared an apartment with two of our good friends and hung out a lot together; it was a fun period in our early adult lives.
I was taking a Humanities class, and in that class was this HOT-ASS DUDE. Long hair, tattoos, big blue eyes. Come to think of it, Brian resembled this guy very much when I first met him; I am nothing if not consistent with who I'm attracted to. So this guy was beautiful, and even though he'd smiled at me a few times, I was too chickenshit to talk to him of course. But oh happy day, for some reason (we'll soon learn why) he talked to me first, one day while we were walking into class.
It was then I learned a big lesson on appearances being deceiving. Here I figured he'd be some beer-drinking, pot-smoking rocker dude (yeah!), so it was quite a shock when he introduced himself (his name was Robin) and invited me to visit his church for the upcoming Wednesday night service. Uh...wha? He told me the church was non-denominational and really laid back; no uptight stuffy people, in fact it was mostly young cool people. He also told me he was studying to be a pastor. Holy Hotness, Batman; I was lusting after Pastor Robin!
Now, I'm sure you've done some strange things in the past when you've been strongly crushing on someone and so had I. But going to church? That was a new one. After hearing me talk about this guy for weeks, my sister was excited for me, the fact there had finally been actual conversation. You have to understand; I'd already built this guy up to mythical proportions in both our heads. I'm pretty sure I even compared him to Jon Bon Jovi, which back then for us was the ultimate male compliment. I told her about the church thing and in true sisterly support, she agreed to go with me that night. There's no way in hell...I mean...heck I would've had the balls to do something like that by myself. God, having a sister is so handy sometimes!
So Wednesday night arrived, and with directions in hand off we went. Our roommate friends, especially Jen, thought it a bit humorous, but whatever. All's fair in the name of hot dudes and she understood. The church was just some small building downtown and like Robin had promised, it was casual and intimate. He spotted us as we walked in and happily greeted us. Sister gave me a look like, Oh yeah; you were not lying about the hotness. He led us over to where there were folding chairs set up (again, casual) and told us he'd join us after he talked to some people. He ended up sitting a few chairs down from Sister; I think there might have been one or two people in between them.
During the service, which was pretty good as I recall, a great idea came to me. I had been dying to know Robin's last name; I don't know why - the better to stalk him with I guess? So I logically figured, someone like him would have a fancy personalized Bible. And many times those fancy personalized Bibles have the person's name printed on the front. Usually in like that gold lettering? I wanted to know his last name, so bingo! I quickly whispered all this to Sister and told her, Look over there and try to get a peek at the front of his Bible - see if you can read his whole name! She began to lean over and do her best to subtly get the visual without being obvious. A minute or so passed, and suddenly she snapped her head back around and faced forward. She bit her lip and wouldn't look at me. I could see her face starting to turn pink.
What! I said urgently, What did it say; what's his name???
She turned to me with tears in her eyes and answered: Genuine Leather.
At that moment, we immediately both faced forward, too scared to look at each other for the rest of the service for fear of interrupting it with our loud, raucous laughter. And to our credit, we held it in until about an hour after we left, when we were over at her boyfriend's house telling the story to him. And then we called our dad later after getting home and he had the reaction I described above. Anytime after that, all someone had to say was "genuine leather," and he laughed until he cried.
Sadly, I quickly found out, ol' G.L. was dating another member of the church, a very pretty brunette. Our interaction thereafter was a friendly hello here and there and after the semester ended, I never saw him again. I'm sure he's a good preacher now and is living a wonderful life. I never got a date from him, but I got a great story and like Mick and Keith say, You can't always get what you want but if you try sometime you just might find you get what you need.