Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Insert witty title here

Coming soon! (Or a week from Thursday) The Baptists attempt to do a Passover sedar! Oh, if only you knew how much I am looking forward to this, but I guess now you do. So far all I know is this: they gave certain Jewish recipes to certain Baptist peoples from the church (including Iris, who's gonna rustle up some potato kugel action, which is sort of the Jew version of hash brown casserole) and they think just because it's Jew food, they're supposed to call it "kosher." I let Iris know this was dead wrong the other day, because what kosher really means is food that was prepared in a kosher kitchen, which means the dairy stuff is separate from the meat stuff - two different refrigerators, for real - and also that the ingredients have been blessed by a rabbi before they are packaged up.

I don't think she appreciated my input, but whatever. Shit's not kosher! Haha, that was funny. To me. But the potential for comedy is going to be endless at this shindig and I love comedy. Especially the unintentional kind. Brian was like, Is baked chicken Jewish, because I didn't think so. No, not exclusively, but it is a very safe choice when you're talking in terms of a bunch of weird food most people will be leery of. At least they'll have baked chicken (which I will skip) (unless they totally screw up the Jew food).

Whenever I go to the doctor now, as I'm getting ready to get half naked the nurse tells me as she's leaving the room: "I'll be right back; you know the drill." Yes I do, especially as it pertains to the fact I'm about to get drilled in the privates yet again. I can't think of an appropriate and/or funny enough way to tie this weak pun together and I'm afraid the opportunity will pass before I think of one. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Well, but anyway this morning. Doctor's office. I was pretty excited about the fact I've been tanning and while I'm not yet close to being tan, my legs are no longer translucent/glow in the dark. Also, I'd given myself a professional-level pedicure the other night, so I'm thinking those things, along with my usual groom 'n shave routine - this nurse is in for a visual treat today! Finally! What I didn't take into account when I left the house in sandals and capris was the fact of it being fifty degrees outside. Sucked. Goosebump city. Not to mention, as I was hoisting my bidness up to the edge of the couch thing and into the stirrups again, I remembered my still-prickly bright pink sunburnt ass. I hoped it would not be visible to her. Too late now.

The verdict: This time instead of two follicles the drugs produced four. So along with Ollie and Lolly, we now also have Molly and Polly. You know it. Does this bode better for my chances this time? Say like, if two follicles produced zero babies, four might produce one? I don't know, nor am I going to do any mad Googling this time to support or discount my hopes and wishes. That way madness lies and I'm not in the mood to be a crazy right now. All I know is, four follicles, still somewhat small, a few more days of shots and then Second Try. Either way, Brian is now a certified pro at giving me shots in my (almost tan!) fat roll, so that's a plus.

Later today I have the choice of going with him to visit his cousin, cousin's girlfriend and their baby all of whom are up from Florida. This is a dilemma. I like the cousin a lot, but the girlfriend nearly drove me over the edge the first and last time I met her. I wrote about it. She's the one who stared at my wedding ring for a minute then asked, "How big is your ring?" (Shari, remember when that crazy girlfriend of Forest pretty much said the same thing to you then asked you if she could try your ring on? Awkward.) I'm almost tempted to go buy a ridiculous big fake ring and seriously blow her mind. The one who after being here for a day decided that this place is full of nothing but rednecks and idiots, unlike Fort Myers, Florida where she lives - and if you knew Fort Myers, Florida like I do, you would realize the absurdity of that statement.

From the way she talked and acted, she's one of those people who are constantly keeping score on who has what, etc. and now that she has the one thing I want more than anything (a baby, just in case you're still paying attention), I don't know if I can bring myself to act pleasant around her like I barely did last time. Petty and foolish? You betcha. Catty even! Would I have a totally different attitude if I was pregnant right now? Well but of course I would! I'm just trying to keep it real, yo. I can be honest with you, right? I'm not always the pure and innocent lovely girl you think I am and this girl brings out the nasties in me. So I should probably skip the visit today is what I'm thinking. Brian thinks I'm being silly. Perhaps. He's probably a little pissed too, considering I just told him I wasn't sure if I would feel like going visiting later, though I didn't elaborate as to why. Oh well!

Uhhhh, I think that's all for now.

10 comments:

jadesymb said...

Go Molly and Polly!

Good Luck! :)

LL Cool Joe said...

Is this a good time to mention I'm a Baptist? ;)

Still thinking and praying for you on the baby front. We pray to the same God right?? :)

iamheatherjo said...

You're a big girl and you don't have to go anywhere you don't wanna.

So there.

Right?

Scientific Lutheran said...

I went to a Lutheran Seder when I was a kid, the women in the church swore "NEVER AGAIN" because they kept it kosher, with separate plates and flatware and everything. As a kid, though, it was eye opening. Law vs Gospel thing.

morethananelectrician said...

I have tried, the "get-naked-and-I'll-be-right-back-approach" but it never really worked for me...maybe I need some scrubs and stirrups, huh?

suzy2110 said...

Four instead of two sounds great- double your chances? :)

I have everything crossed for you!

Your comment about the nurse being in for a visual treat made me blow coffee out of my nose. That hurts, but it was worth it!! :D

Julie said...

GO, little follies, GO!!!!! I'm choosing to go with the theory that 4 is better than 2!

And definitely skip the cousin visit. I've been in that situation, and I just spent the whole time thinking things I couldn't say out loud.

Kim said...

Jades - Thank you!

Joe - I'm a Baptist Jew, so yes I think we do pray to the same one. I like to have all my bases covered.

Heather - Yes. I didn't go and didn't regret the decision at all.

SL - I didn't know there was any other kind of sedar - wow!

MTAE - I'm to the point where when I see stirrups now, I get aroused. Not really.

Suzy - That's how I'm looking at it, doubling my chances. Eeeesh.

Julie - That's how I felt; I didn't go.

Shari said...

I do remember the ring incident. WTF. Here, let me hand over my ring to a total friggin' stranger, whom I suspect I don't even like. And IM the beeatch.

I'm making potato kugel for Passover!! I've only made the noodle variety before, so hopefully it turns out OK. I don't want anyone calling me a friggin' shiksa at the table again. Tough crowd.

I definitely think 4 follies is more better than 2. Yes, I said more better. On that note, I'm Audi 5000.

Kim said...

Wow, you're the shishka and I'm the token Jew. Maybe we should switch places. Except I would never do that to you.