Saturday, March 28, 2009

I've always had abandonment issues

The Coolest Joe I know brought up an interesting point the other day when he wrote about updating even when you don't have anything too terribly important to say. On the one hand, I agree that I do have times where I don't have exciting things to report (read: almost every day) yet still write a post anyway - that's more due to my journaling nature than to an obligation to this blog; if anything I feel apologetic to anyone who reads this when I'm more boring than usual. But in that same vein, he brought up another valid point: worrying about your regular bloggers when they haven't posted for awhile. Though it seems weird at first - worrying about someone you've never met - it's totally real and I've experienced it firsthand.

Back in the Dark Ages of blogging, back when it was still called "online journaling" and Diaryland was where I found most of my blogging entertainment, I came across this guy in the San Francisco area, "Harold." This guy was DARK and some of his writing was a little disturbing. But he was also really funny and I looked forward to his posts, which for awhile there was every day or close to it. He lived alone, worked in some mundane job he was way too intelligent for and seemed to be pretty much a recluse. You would think that would make for a boring blog, but no - like I said, the guy was a witty genius, especially when he talked shit about people, which was often. Sometimes I'd worry a little if he posted a particularly dark or cryptic update, but then it would pass and things would be good again.

Back then I was too shy to even think about commenting or contacting him, even though I wanted to badly tell him how his writing added to my life, for whatever it was worth. Then one day he posted something like, "Screw this; good-bye Diaryland; good-bye everything." Not word for word, but that was the gist of it. I thought, oh shit. At that point, I did try to email him with some lame message like I hoped everything was okay and that I wished him the best, but of course it was too late by that point and either he didn't get it or he ignored it. It's been a good five years since all that and I still hope maybe I'll run across him again somewhere in the blogosphere. Silly.

And Harold isn't the only person I've lost along the way; there have been others.

So lookie here: it would be unfathomable should that ever happen with pretty much any one of the blogs I read currently. For the most part, after Laura offered at some point last summer and I somehow got the balls to do a guest post on Snerkology I was lucky enough to meet a slew of people I've come to consider FRIENDS, DUDE. All of whom I CARE about with real FEELINGS. I mean, I feel totally weird if Heather and I go more than a day without emailing each other! We've never met, but does that mean her friendship means any less to me? No it most certainly does not. It's true I'm a Jew who probably worries way more than is necessarily healthy, but the thought of one of you posting some quick good-bye shit without any explanation scares the living bejesus (whatever that is) out of me. So don't even think about it unless you've cleared it with me first and left plenty of accurate contact information.

In other news, I've decided to tan (used as a verb, as in "I Summer in the Hamptons" or "I Lunch with rich snobby people" - "I'm going Tanning at the salon") because of a free offer I couldn't pass up. I figure what the hell else do I have to do in the interim before receiving my next baby-injection, which won't be for another week or so. I feel better when I'm tan, or as tan as I get anyway, and hey - three cheers to feeling better, right? Plus remember, I gave up smoking - I had to replace it with something unhealthy. Remind me to tell you about the short story I once wrote about a girl who gets fried to death in a tanning bed. My writing teacher at the time told me it would've been a great story had the perspective not been from the dead girl. THEN AMERICAN BEAUTY CAME OUT, AN AWARD-WINNING MOVIE WHOSE STORY WAS TOLD BY THE DEAD KEVIN SPACEY CHARACTER, MOTHERFUCKER! Anyway, it was a fun story to write. I have it somewhere.

The end.


Anonymous said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean!!! I have learnt over the past few years that online friends can be very important- just because you've never met someone doesn't mean at all that there isn't real and genuine friendship there. :)

For example, my partner Ian never ever reads my blog, but he could name you, Heather, MTAE and TB as being my blog friends... :D

I still can't decide if that is a sad indictment of my real life, or a positive message about blogging friendships. Possibly both!

Anonymous said...

I'm all warm and fuzzy-wuzzy now. Aww!

Some of the times you were avoiding your e-mail I would go through stages "I'm sure she's just busy" to "I hope nothing is wrong" to "I'm gonna wring her cute little neck if she doesn't let me know what's going on SOON!".

I felt the same way worrying about Suzy and I badgered her in her e-mail instead to check up on her. Hee!

Yeah. I'm broken.

I sort of felt bad about leaving Diaryland for Wordpress. Not that a ton of people read my nonsense anyway and I left a blog with a link to the new place and all. The few people that read over there are still around.

I lost touch with two people that don't blog anymore and that does make me sad. But most of the time the people I get most attached to communicate with me outside of their blogs anyway, so if they keep that up...I'm okay.

I'm kind of a bad blogger, I guess. I seem to mostly write about the stupid, mundane stuff and keep the deep, meaningful and real stuff to my handwritten stuff. I've said before that I don't exactly know WHY I blog in the first place. Hmm...

Butch Boo said...

Friendhsip of any kind are important.

Lovely post



LL Cool Joe said...

Hey this is a cool post, if only because you've said I'm the coolest Joe you've ever known!

Ok, now you are going to tell me, I'm the only Joe you've ever known! :D

I totally agree with you about other bloggers, it really upsets me when people just close their blogs down. I've had it recently, and I have to admit I shed a tear.

Ok, ok not so cool right? But it was like a friend saying they were dying to me!

I understand why peopl;e do it, but it does feel like a slap in the face.

I have a song by a British Grime/Rapper called Lady Sovereign and she has a song about a girl who's keen on the fake tan. I would post the lyrics here, but you may never talk to me again!

Taoist Biker said...

I started typing a comment, but it soon was obvious that it was too long to be a comment, so I made it a post.

Distilled, I'm saying that, Bud Light or not, "I love you, man!"

Kim said...

Suzy - You're right. And lately my "online" friends have been more thoughtful than some of my "real" friends have!

Heather - You know how I feel about you; I am so thankful we've "met!" and can't wait until we really MEET someday!

Boo - Thank you. And hi!

Joe - No, I know two other Joe's currently and you have both of them seriously beat in the coolness dept. And yes, you gotta share that song!

TB - Read it. Got choked up. Commented!

Anonymous said...

I do find a connection to a couple of the "real people" that I meet around here...I am a sucker for honesty.

The is only one person who has stopped blogging that I stay in contact with on a regular basis...I am still on a quest to have lunch with a blogger if they ever stroll into this resort town...

Kim said...

MTAE - I love stories of when bloggers meet in person because I'm hoping I'm one of them someday.

LL Cool Joe said...

Ok, well you you may change your mind after these lyrics! You have to picture this though because Lady Sovereign is very British, and very cockney. A real Londoner. So you may not understand a word of it!

2 Things. Tango is a fizzy orange drink here in the UK. That's a Soda to you I think. Orange is a cell phone (mobile to us) company, again I'm not sure if that's a just a British.

So you ready?

(verse 1)
Bring out the bucket, bring out the cloth, bring out the liquid, bring out the lot, if not, lets roll her to a carwash
Now washin you will be like washin a goth all that black lipsticks round their gobs, how the fuk do we get it off i think this is gonna be a very hard job.
How did ya get a tan like that in winter ya ran off to boots n got a box of tinter...... dint ya!!
Seeeeee.. u still got orange fingers!!

Wot network are you on....."orange"
Colour of your bathwater....."orange"
I think your favourite fruit must be an orange
Bitch did you know your orange (X2)

Slap, bang you gotta fake tan xxxxx you look like the tango man bogebogebo do the tango bogebogebo do the tango (X2)

(verse 2)
......"its the gone-wrong salon".......
Your clothes keep wrippin like your the female incredible hulk,
you gotta broken bra, a broken top, a broken phone n a broken coat, youve bin wearin the the same jacket since you was in year 8 and it smells like you urinate on it bitch, that aint great.
You tried to be christina so ya died ya hair black, but really you looked like the vicar of dibley.."wot!"... on crack!
Now step back and just face the facts you dont like the fact i get facety on wax, anyways talkin about wax, look at your face, girl relax!!


(verse 3)
Why not flimmer on the window, saw as a pumpkin, when its approaching halloween, or on ya english breakfast place her next to the bacon she could be the beans, and you always know where shes been and you always know when shes had a pee, coz the toilet seat aint clean, the toilet seat has an orange sheen...."ching"....
Bring out the detergent, scrub that umpa lumpa its urgent, have you seen her face its disturbin, how much fake tan are ya squirtin errr its hertin ma eyes its startin to look like a sunrise and ya fake tans so "ming!!" you are attracting flies!

Wot network are you on....."orange"
Colour of your bathwater....."orange"
I think your favourite fruit must be an orange
Bitch did you know your orange (X2)

Slap, bang you gotta fake tan xxxxx you look like the tango man bogebogebo do the tango bogebogebo do the tango (X4)

"You got tangoed!!! and you know the worst thing.. You done it yourself hahaha!!"

Anonymous said...

seriously, english teachers don't know ANYTHING.
i think they get off on saying snarky things about good writing because they're jealous.
that's my theory.

also, i owe you an email. i'm sorry.
there will be fiction attached to it. i hope you're ready.