Thursday, March 26, 2009


Painful zit locations: Inside the nose, under an eyebrow. Currently l have them in both places and what are the odds of that? I thought for one quick minute about putting zit medicine in my nose but then I remembered I haven’t had any zit medicine since 1989.

A fun game I’ve been playing lately in my head is thinking “I pity the fool,” and applying it to whenever I have an exchange with someone. As in, “Kim, will you be available for a short meeting next Wednesday?” Me (in my head): “I pity the fool who asks me to go to a meeting.” It’s fun times. In my head. I pity the fool who’s in my head.

Not that I really want to, but sometimes I think it would be fun to live in an apartment again. Not like the kinds I’ve lived in before per se, which were mostly glorified more expensive dorm rooms, but one of those long-term deals, where it seems like you’re living in a house you can decorate and do whatever to. It would also have to have some sort of outdoor space, preferably a flower and plant-laden terrace. Apartments are so great for social observances, what with the living in awkwardly close quarters with a wide variety of total strangers. I can practice my people wondering with the neighbors I have now, especially now that everyone and their brother has taken to walking their dogs the same time I do (I’ll be switching it up and going in the morning for the next few days, because all the barking and leash pulling is pretty annoying), but it’s not quite the same thing. I don’t miss the limited parking and nocturnal loudness.

Speaking of voyeurism. I really love my private office still and no longer feel guilty about working with my door shut. What I’ve found is that I like to work in complete silence, which I already knew. Low volume talk radio is acceptable sometimes, but music distracts me. Also, these walls are thin as shitwafers. I don’t try to eavesdrop, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. There’s this semi-annoying girl here who works in an office next door to mine. She must be newly out of school, because she still has the total sorority vibe going on, like ending every sentence as if she’s asking a question? Even things that are obviously not questions but declarative statements? And using “like” a lot (well, I do that too, so that’s cool) and that high-pitched squeaky voice…ugh. Today she must’ve been on a personal call (at least I hope so) because I overheard her say, “I don’t care what excuse he comes up with this time; he’ll be lucky if his stuff’s still INSIDE the house when he gets home!” Ooh, naughty fraternity boyfriend, what did you do wrong? It was awesome. I just have to remember when it comes to personal phone calls and bodily functions to try to keep it down.

Why you shouldn’t lie, reason number infinity: I had felt guilty for asking for time off a few weeks ago, even though I haven’t taken any significant days off since October (those Christmas weeks don’t count; everybody’s off) but instead of just putting in the leave request and leaving it at that, oh ho ho NOOO, I had to go and make up some vague Mother-related reason to my boss. IDIOT! Then of course I figured out I couldn’t go to Florida and I realized I couldn’t just forget about the time off I’d asked for, especially when my boss told me yesterday she hoped I had a good time in Florida! It was like some Mission Impossible shit gone wrong, only without the exploding gum. So now I’m taking Monday and Tuesday off for absolutely no reason whatsoever, except to save face. I have plenty of leave time built up so it’s not that big of a deal except I feel like an asshole for lying. I’m planning on doing some penance for it and using the next five days to do some productive house things. I’m still totally underachieving on the laundry front, so there’s no time like the present to catch up. Imagine how psyched I am about a vacation at home. Not even a little bit. Although time off of work is still pretty cool, so I’m sure I’ll be more on board with the idea by tonight or tomorrow.

Last night I came across the movie Rock Star playing on the annoying E channel (they love to throw in a long commercial break every time anything emotional is going on to totally ruin the mood). I doubt most people have seen or have the same fierce love I have for this 2001 Mark Wahlberg extravaganza, but it is one of my favorites. It was weird to see Jennifer Anniston again, back when she was still W.B. (With Brad) and no one could foresee the bleak future that was soon to be her love life. But really - anyone who still has a soft spot for 80’s hair metal would get a kick out of the movie, if for only the soundtrack. It’s kind of a lot like Boogie Nights except with rock & roll instead of porn and a much lesser caliber cast. Except Marky Mark, who I will love until the end of time. Say hello to your mutha for me, Mark. SNL joke, sorry.

I get pretty pro-plant at this time of year. How unoriginal of me. Usually what happens around now is all the plants get moved back outside (check) since if we do get another frost it would be mild enough for the plants to withstand as long as they’re under the porch roof – this is all except the spider plant that hangs in my kitchen window all year round to my daily delight. Usually we have a casualty or two and this year is no different, so I’ll need to replace the Hosta plant I became attached to. So we’ll go to Lowe’s or Home Depot and I’ll pick out the plant I need to replace plus one or two new ones and some other random things I can’t live without, like flowers or birdseed.

This year I’ve been thinking of adding some vegetables to the whole operation. I have pleasant memories of several vegetable gardens Delorme and I had shared and then just yesterday he even told me he was planting one again this year. Copycatting my memories! The best time ever was when we were being taunted by this varmint who kept tunneling through the garden eating and destroying our corn plants, ALWAYS AT NIGHT, THE SNEAKY BITCH! Delorme had recently gotten a handgun and was dying for a reason to use it, when one day he caught the little ratty mole thing and ran inside to get the gun. I got all excited and was like, “Let me do it! I want to shoot him for eating our corn!” He was very surprised by my bloodthirstiness but handed over the gun and I popped a cap in that little rat bastard (literally!) with one shot to the back of the head. That remains the only animal I’ve ever killed (we don’t discuss the cat I accidentally ran over in 1988 or the fish I accidentally stopped feeding) but damn was that shit fun. So yeah, I might be planting vegetables soon. It’s a commitment but I think I’m up for it. Who knows, I might even get to shoot something!

I pity the fool who steals from my garden.


Anonymous said...

Okay, I think I talked on TB's blog about 'Rock Star' and that I hated it. There. I said it. LOVE Mike Matijevic's voice on the songs and I LOVE Timothy Olyphant, but that didn't save me from hating the movie.

John and I used to be able to hear the guy upstairs regularly (and loundly) banging his girlfriend. Then one day we heard him banging away...but it wasn't 'right'. I looked at John and said "Oh my gosh! He's cheating on his girlfriend! That's a different girl!" Hahaha!!

Anonymous said...

That last story was supposed to go along with inadvertently eavesdropping whilst living in an apartment...but I forgot to warn ya before going into it. ha!

Anonymous said...

You are a cold-blooded killer. Small animals are the first sign. I always thought that I would be the one on the front porch in my underwear holding a shotgun in a rocking chair chasing kids off my lawn...but you just might be the one.

Anonymous said...

Oh...and Heather's story made me cry it was so funny.

Kim said...

My God, what is there to hate about Rock Star? Besides the trite and completely unbelievable plot and poor acting, that is - ha! I know a lot of people either don't know about it or don't like it but I'm a fan.
That apartment neighbor story rules.

Kim said...

MTAE - I admit shooting that thing did make me a little too happy. Mayhaps it's time for some therapy.


...still haven't received my refund for Rock Star! I need to ponder by the pond with the ducks now ;)

Anonymous said...

I hated the wardrobe (especially Jennifer's) and I hated the bad wigs and/or extensions on a lot of the actors and the aforementioned bad acting and Marky Mark as a "rock guy".

I actually liked 'Airheads' with Brenden Fraser, Steve Buscemi and Adam Sandler a lot better. Hee!

OH! And painful zit spots? In that space under your nose but above your lip! YEOWCH! EGADS!

Kim said...

Heather - Yeah, I did comment again last night how wrong Anniston's hair was for the 80's - much like Drew Barrymore's wrong 80's hair in The Wedding Singer. These people need to check with me before they try to do those hair styles.
And the zit spot you mentioned? Brings tears to my eyes.

Julie said...

I had a zit on my eyelid last week. My eyelid. Never before, and hopefully never again.

LL Cool Joe said...

Did someone mention Marky Mark?? ;)

Sounds like you deserve a couple of days off work. I hope you find something really cool to do with your time. The laundry doesn't count.

Never seen Rock star. Have you noticed there's a lot I haven't read, seen and done? I really have no friggin life at all!

Taoist Biker said...

I'm a "Rock Star" fan, which is how Heather ended up commenting about it on my blog. And "unbelievable plot?" You know it was based on a true story, right? One Tim "Ripper" Owens, who for a time went from playing in a Priest cover band to replacing Rob Halford.

I have no interest in ever living in an apartment again. First off, my amplifiers make me a very bad neighbor. Then there's the time we had a leak in our closet from the bathroom upstairs that went on and on, despite supposed efforts to fix it, for almost a year. And that's not counting hearing the highly unattractive heavyset couple upstairs going at it from time to time. (The "cheating" story is hysterical, Heather!)

I pity the fool who pities the fool, because the fool deserves no pity!

Kim said...

Julie - Believe it or not I've had them on my eyelid before. WHY???

Joe - Well, make a list of everything you haven't seen yet and let me come visit for a few weeks and I'll come armed with dvd's!

TB - I didn't know that about the movie. I did meet a guy in the early 90's who claimed to have taken Nikki Sixx's place for a few months touring with Motley Crue. The guy was weird and scary but his story almost checks out. It doesn't matter anyway; I love the movie!

Anonymous said...

I'm going to try to work "I pity the fool" into my conversation this weekend. I'll let you know how it goes.

And my, you're very cerebral today, aren't you? :D

Anonymous said...

Also, I thought Rock Star was fun, mostly because I'll forgive Marky Mark just about anything (except maybe his completely WOODEN performance in The Happening - but then, I kind of blame the director on that one). I, srsly, SQEE'ed when I heard that TB had included "We All Die Young" in his Epic Mix CD Of Epicness (168 SONGS).

Kim said...

Snerkology - I was also profoundly disappointed with The Happening. M. Night totally blew it on that one!

eljay said...

Just commenting on the Zit thing... Do you remember that non-gel (non tarter control) regular toothpaste will dry those up? Just check before putting what you think is tooth past (but really Theragesic) on your tounge!