Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Lifestyles of the poor and poopy

As a general rule if my personal life is in the shitter, work is usually smooth sailing and vice versa. I figure it falls under that old myth about God not giving you any more than He thinks you can handle type thing. Which out of all the stuff out there advertised, I tend to buy into since I can site many examples of this being the case with my life.

God, or Whomever must not have gotten the memo this week.

Remember that whole thing about me getting my period Sunday? Yeah, that hasn't changed. And what a positive attitude I had last week after attending that inspirational conference - I mean, I felt absolutely ecstatic about coming back to work this week and applying all the neat new positive stuff I'd learned. Which was squashed during the first half of Monday when the shit pile kept getting bigger and bigger and for every one thing I crossed off my to-do list, three more EMERGENCIES got added.

I mean, it's only Tuesday and I feel like I've spent an entire week at work already. That's never good. It hit me at some point today there's no way I'll be able to enjoy my usual Friday off this week; now I'm just hoping I won't have to be in the office all day.

This morning, as I raced into town to make my ultrasound appointment, I got this sick feeling I'd forgotten the checkbook and a quick search through my purse confirmed this. At the same time I was simultaneously envisioning my debit card lying on the computer desk where I'd left it after paying a bill online. Who shows up to a doctor's appointment without means to pay? Me. But in I went anyway, thinking Screw it. Because being the expert I now am at fertility and all its wonders, I knew there was no choice but to have the ultrasound done this morning - certain things must happen at certain times - and if they refused me, it would throw off this entire cycle - a whole month wasted. They'd either take my word that I'm good for it and that I'd pay later or take the blame for messing up my chances to get pregnant. For the third time in a row.

Sometimes it pays not to give a shit. Besides having the longest ultrasound in history (I can now honestly say I've had an object inserted in one orafice for twenty-eight consecutive minutes), the payment thing wasn't an issue. They know me well by now, which is either good or bad, depending on how you look at it. The nurse even stopped herself after she'd begun to give me the injection lesson, saying "What am I saying -y'all are pro's at this by now." Yes. Yes we are.

I got home this afternoon just absolutely wiped out, when something occured to me and I panicked. The electic bill. When was the last time I paid it? Who knew. I told Brian I had a weird feeling it might be due soon and he said there was an unopened bill on the table. I opened it and read the big bold letters: "Service will be disconnected if not paid by 4/28/2009 at 5:00 p.m. It was 4:53. Considering I'm now using the computer to write this, you can probably presume I made the payment on time. Because after reading about everybody's adventures with air conditioning over the last week or so, no offense, but I wasn't interested in joining the ranks of the hot and sweaty. Not this week.

So I guess even though work is a big fart bubble right now and I'm once again smack in the middle of prepping my eggs for insemination (that will be on Sunday or Monday, depending on how the follicles decide to grow this time) it could be worse. If I've learned anything in this life, it can ALWAYS be worse.

Happy Deadliest Catch Night - when life is an asshole, TV never lets me down.


Anonymous said...

The Universe usually likes to play "Don't Pile On The Monkey" with me. When one area is going down, the rest tend to follow.

I hope you're getting some good rest tonight. I'm watching The Deadliest Catch and it's VERY SAD, damnit!

Anonymous said...

1. Sorry for shit week.

2. I remember and issue with you and the power company a few months ago. It isn't late until the guy shows up at the house to pull the meter.

3. I am so hooked on the Deadliest Catch that I watch it while it is being recorded. LOST is the only other show I can't wait for...

LL Cool Joe said...

Yeah they say that God never gives you more bad things than you can cope with. I keep telling him I have a very low threshold for handling crap, but he doesn't believe me.

Sorry your life sucks but I really admire the way that you never give up and keep fighting the crap. I think God rewards fighters. :)

Kim said...

It figures the one thing I was looking forward to all day - my crab fisherman had the SADDEST EPISODE I'VE EVER SEEN last night! We had to watch a recorded Mad TV afterwards just to recover. I was a snot-nosed, mascara-stained mess after that thing.

Shari said...

OMG, Kim...remember when you and Brian and Tim and I were all synced up in the universe? Well, we must be re-aligning again because almost the same exact scenerio happened to us last week. The problem is that when money is low, no one wants to open the friggin' mail! Thank God you remembered in the nick of time.

Taoist Biker said...

I will gladly hold your week down while you punch it in the throat. Just say the word.

In the meantime, apologies for this dirty and slightly misogynist joke...I heard it when I was a kid and it's still one of my favorites.


A woman walks into a second-grade classroom on the first day of school. She looks like the prototype of the Teacher from Hell: she's dressed like a Victorian housewife, her glasses are hanging from a bejeweled chain, her frown lines are etched into her face like twin Grand Canyons, and her hair is so tightly wound into a bun that somewhere in the center a lump of coal is becoming a diamond.

She walks straight up to the chalkboard and writes: "Miss P R U S S Y." She underlines the "R" a few times for emphasis. "My name," she pronounces imperiously, "is Miss Prussy. Don't you forget it. Don't misspell my name, and don't dare misprounounce my name. My name is MISS PRUSSY."

She then proceeds to terrorize the class all day.

On the second day of class, she stomps up to a terrified-looking child in the front row, jabs a finger and demands, "What's my name?!?!?"

The child sweats, stammers, and finally blurts it out: "Miss Crunt!!!"

Kim said...


*snot projectiles and hits monitor*