So, I've been hinting and teasing about how I need to start exercising more regularly and blah blah, but besides half-assedly using my stepper a couple of times a week for no longer than 35 minutes at a time, I haven't done shit to change anything. And then something very unpleasant happened this morning.
I was getting dressed for work and put on a clean pair of cute cuffed capris I hadn't worn in a few weeks due to lack of laundry doing. And they were tight. Not only were they tight, they were damn-near impossible to button. Full disclosure: these are my fat pants. But considering I was already running ridiculously late for work and hadn't really planned out any other clothing options, I made do - took a hair band and did the maternity pants trick of looping it through the hole and securing it around the button twice like I was three months' preg. Add to that a long button down shirt (which I noticed gapped at boob level)(which I HATE) and off I went. Somehow I managed not to have a crying fit/nervous breakdown. Not sure how, because damn, I am Not Happy about this.
Obviously things haven't been going the best over the past few (six) months or so. And considering I've made great effort in trying to be the healthiest I can be, you'd think this wouldn't be a problem right now. But between quitting smoking, not drinking anything alcoholic or very much caffeinated and carbonated and not being able to pop a pill whenever things get a little rough, food has become my way of medicating. I don't know why I thought I was immune to this type of behavior, considering things I've done in my past.
Very ironically sex is high up on the priority list lately, so it's not good that I am in no mood to be naked in front of myself, let alone Brian. Not that I've ever been the type to lounge around sans clothes anyway, but right now? Even with with lights out I'm nowhere near comfortable. Not good. It's easy to avoid looking in the mirror, not so easy to keep avoiding other things.
But it's not just sex; being like this is affecting every aspect of life. I would no sooner accept an invitation that would involve getting into a bathing suit right now then I would to go take a tour of Auschwitz. Hell, I wasn't fond of wearing shorts when I weighed 105, let alone right now. And hey, have you noticed - it's summertime. This past weekend we almost went to visit his brother's family who have a pool and spend most of their free time at the river. In bathing suits. I was sadly very relieved when the landscape job opportunity came up so that we couldn't go. But I'm planning a trip to Florida in the near future. We're doing the beach house thing with his family again this Labor Day - the one year anniversary of the first time I saw our sister-in-law in her new boob job and bikini. None of these activities are at all attractive to me right now. But neither is hibernating in the house for the next three months. So that means it's time to get off my ever-expanding ass in a serious way and do something the hell about it.
That 30-Day Shred dvd I've talked about for months? Is now in the dvd player, ready to go. Tomorrow when I go to the grocery, there will be no tough decision regarding what flavor of Breyer's we'll be eating for the week. There will however, be much less fun food purchases instead. But that's okay. Because regardless of what's going on with the baby situation or the money situation or whatever else is stressing me out at the moment, not fitting into my clothes certainly can't be helping matters.
I've usually been pretty good at recognizing when the time has come to stop bitching and start actually doing something. And holy hell, that time is now.