Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Side effect

So, I've been hinting and teasing about how I need to start exercising more regularly and blah blah, but besides half-assedly using my stepper a couple of times a week for no longer than 35 minutes at a time, I haven't done shit to change anything. And then something very unpleasant happened this morning.

I was getting dressed for work and put on a clean pair of cute cuffed capris I hadn't worn in a few weeks due to lack of laundry doing. And they were tight. Not only were they tight, they were damn-near impossible to button. Full disclosure: these are my fat pants. But considering I was already running ridiculously late for work and hadn't really planned out any other clothing options, I made do - took a hair band and did the maternity pants trick of looping it through the hole and securing it around the button twice like I was three months' preg. Add to that a long button down shirt (which I noticed gapped at boob level)(which I HATE) and off I went. Somehow I managed not to have a crying fit/nervous breakdown. Not sure how, because damn, I am Not Happy about this.

Obviously things haven't been going the best over the past few (six) months or so. And considering I've made great effort in trying to be the healthiest I can be, you'd think this wouldn't be a problem right now. But between quitting smoking, not drinking anything alcoholic or very much caffeinated and carbonated and not being able to pop a pill whenever things get a little rough, food has become my way of medicating. I don't know why I thought I was immune to this type of behavior, considering things I've done in my past.

Very ironically sex is high up on the priority list lately, so it's not good that I am in no mood to be naked in front of myself, let alone Brian. Not that I've ever been the type to lounge around sans clothes anyway, but right now? Even with with lights out I'm nowhere near comfortable. Not good. It's easy to avoid looking in the mirror, not so easy to keep avoiding other things.

But it's not just sex; being like this is affecting every aspect of life. I would no sooner accept an invitation that would involve getting into a bathing suit right now then I would to go take a tour of Auschwitz. Hell, I wasn't fond of wearing shorts when I weighed 105, let alone right now. And hey, have you noticed - it's summertime. This past weekend we almost went to visit his brother's family who have a pool and spend most of their free time at the river. In bathing suits. I was sadly very relieved when the landscape job opportunity came up so that we couldn't go. But I'm planning a trip to Florida in the near future. We're doing the beach house thing with his family again this Labor Day - the one year anniversary of the first time I saw our sister-in-law in her new boob job and bikini. None of these activities are at all attractive to me right now. But neither is hibernating in the house for the next three months. So that means it's time to get off my ever-expanding ass in a serious way and do something the hell about it.

That 30-Day Shred dvd I've talked about for months? Is now in the dvd player, ready to go. Tomorrow when I go to the grocery, there will be no tough decision regarding what flavor of Breyer's we'll be eating for the week. There will however, be much less fun food purchases instead. But that's okay. Because regardless of what's going on with the baby situation or the money situation or whatever else is stressing me out at the moment, not fitting into my clothes certainly can't be helping matters.

I've usually been pretty good at recognizing when the time has come to stop bitching and start actually doing something. And holy hell, that time is now.


Anonymous said...

Hey chica! I have 30DS and it totally KICKS YOUR ASS. So, I'd be careful about doing it daily and maybe do it every other day, or else you won't be able to walk. Truuuuuuust me.

I am still your health and fitness buddy! Long distance relationships suck ass, but we always have e-mail, dahling! And, do you have my phone number? I forget if I ever sent it to you. I will remedy that now. Just... not in your comments.


Anonymous said...

You can still shop for fun stuff, just good-for-you fun stuff (it exists and you know it!). If you want ice cream, take yourself out for it. You'll find out how much you REALLY want it if you're willing to get up and go out for it. I only know that because if it's in the freezer, I'll eat it just because it's there. But if I actually have to get off my ass, get in my truck and go out to get it? Yeah, I usually won't go through the bother.

Whatever you decide to do, you have all sorts of support (and sympathy and empathy) from me.

Kim said...

Thank you both; I have the feeling even though this is a singular activity, I am going to need all the support, whether long distance or short, that I can get.

Anonymous said...

I would suggest having some fun stuff...just less. You need to have SOME fun.

LL Cool Joe said...

I couldn't agree with your more when you say that when you put on weight it changes everything. About 5 years ago I was 20 pounds heavier than I am now, and I'm still heavier than I'd like to be now, but then I was fat. To put it bluntly. It changed everything about me. I dressed in black baggy clothes, didn't give a toss about what I wore. It stopped me going to places and doing things too. It changed me completely into some boring blob.

Truthfully, I can see myself going the same way again if I'm not careful, because it's a mindset thing with me. In other words, I'm eating too much crap!

So you've inspired me as well! So thanks. Good luck with the weight loss mate! We are all in this together.

I must stop quoting songs from High School Musical. I'm losing my street cred here!

Julie said...

Are you pretty disciplined? Because if you get the book the South Beach Diet and do it for about a month, you'll get good results. But no cheating on it. It is pretty healthy, and after a couple weeks, its very easy to follow. I did it to get into a bridesmaid dress a few years ago. I feel your pain, Kim. Not having the body image you want can really cripple your social life. But I have a feeling you can tackle this. You seem like a strong person to me.

Kim said...

MTAE - For now, the fun stuff needs to be limited, but the more I exercise, the less I'll need to worry about that.

Joe - Yes! The clothes situation is what's bothering me the most right now; nothing worse than having a closet full of stuff you can't wear.

Julie - I've heard (and seen) great things about South Beach, but I fear limiting carbs wouldn't work for me in the long run. In the short run though - yes, I'm considering it or something similar.

crisitunity said...

Go Kim go! Best of luck in your efforts. We're all rooting for you.

Karen said...

Kim...I hear you. I can barely move in my fat pants today. I too bought the 30DS (this thing came out of nowhere)and cannot wait for it to come in. The only thing is we live on the second floor of a large Victorian. I have a feeling the ceiling will collapse in the unit beneath us due to my flailing. I have to do something as our family reunion at the beach is rapidly approaching. It's not like I can wear jeans the whole time. (sigh) I really hope this shit works.

Hang in there.

Whiskeymarie said...

I was doing the 30DS religiously, 6 days a week for 3 weeks and was seeing awesome results. My arms looked great, and my butt? My BUTT.

You'll note I said WAS.

I fell off the wagon when my sisters were both in town, then we got the dog, blah blah blah...
My "fat" pants are back in the rotation again, which pisses me off to no end.

I'm riding my bike every day, but tomorrow I start the shred again, because holy hell- it WORKS.

Whiskeymarie said...

OMG! We'll do it together! E-mail me and let me know how you feel- we can compare who is more crippled from sore muscles. We can gossip about how Jillian has no rhythm and can't keep the beat to save her life. But it's still a kick-ass workout.


Kim said...

Karen & WM - OMG, I have some Sisters in Torture now!!! This is rather exciting, considering I'm more than a little nervous. I was having dvd player issues last night, so going to buy a new one today and after I kill myself tonight and if I have any strength left, I will share my experience.
*Hold me*

Shari said...

Okay, I'm on the 30-Day Shred as well. ARe we all going to be a bunch of hotties in 30 days or what? I do agree with not doing it every day. I tried that, and was seriously almost crippled by the end of the week. I've been running one day + ABs, and then alternating with 30DS the next. Jillian is ruthless. Who ever thought jumping jacks could be so tough! And I'm only on level One.

Kim said...

Shari - That's so cool you're doing it too! I'm embarrassed I've had the thing for so long and I'm just starting now. But, better late than fatter!

Shari said...

My neighbor is letting me borrow it, as she knows I'm going on vacation at the end of the month. She's the 50-year-old who is coaching me with running and her tummy is as flat as a pancake. She kinda scares me and idolizes Jillian and said that she will be my Jillian. She's my inspiration as in....if a 50-year-old can do it....She's very anti-diet which is good, but she did say I should pick one "bad" thing and not eat it. So I picked chips. Life without chips is hard. Sniffle. I love me some Lay's Sour Cream and Cheddar. No you can't just have one.